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Get ready for the dark months with the Great Lock In

One of the latest fads on TikTok these days is the Winter Arc or Great Lock-in. You’re thinking, “Didn’t we do that last year?” Because we did the Winter Arc challenge last year. But this year, it’s a different way to get ready for the dark months of winter. The Winter Arc was all about focusing on the mental and physical side of your health and well-being. The goal was to become calm and really dialed into exactly what was needed for that.

A different way to get ready for the dark months

This year, there’s a fresh approach. The Great Lock-in, embraced by Gen Z (born between around 1997 to 2012), but is actually good for everyone, is about getting yourself ready to achieve those big goals you have for yourself by the end of this year.

The viral TikTok post from @kadieglenn centers around self-trust. Because you’re not going to be able to achieve the big things you want if you can’t trust yourself to actually get there. You’ll recognize her points, but she’s finding a new audience with her post. So, be true to yourself and let’s get ready for the dark months of winter when we’ll crush our big goals.

Start small

Kadie Glenn, a London-based influencer, says to first start small so that consistency is easy. I’ve recommended that you break all your goals into little pieces so you’re not looking at that big, overwhelming one. Glenn gives the example of not saying you’re going to hit the gym five days a week when you havn’t been there all year. Start with two days. And if you’re successful with that, then you can scale up to more.

Track your wins – doing it is a win

Next, track your wins. Glenn says one way is to use a habit tracker so you show “proof of progress.” Progress is a definite win. When my arms were shaking, practicing the Balance Plank, before my face hit the mat, I was counting the seconds. From one to three, then five and ultimately ten seconds. Those incremental seconds were wins for me.

Once is okay, but twice?

Third, Glenn’s rule of “Never Miss Twice.” Sure, things happen. You can go off the wagon for one day. Eat the pizza. Miss a workout. But not two days. This gives you permission to take a mental health day. There have been days when I just couldn’t face that treadmill. I’m human. And even though I committed to my treadmill two days a week, there have been times when I just couldn’t. If you miss a day, it had been all too easy to give in to the shame and self-disparagement. You say, “I’ll never get it. I’ll never be able to resist the cheesecake.” But the “Never Miss Twice” rule acknowledges that we’re only human and have flaws. Get right back on the wagon and continue. There will be bumps in the road. Acknowledge them and move on.

Drop what doesn’t serve

And finally, “Create fiction and flow.” Create friction with those bad habits. Drop the habits that no longer serve you. If you need to delete apps off your phone, do it. If you need to delete so-called friends from your social media feed, do it. And the same for real people. This is more difficult, but probably more necessary. Drop those toxic influences from your life. Eliminate the annoyances where you can. Acquire a problem-solving mindset.

Here’s a personal example. You know that my sister and I live together. Sometimes she washes her hair in my bathroom – no big deal. The sink is nice and deep and has a goose-neck faucet. I used to keep a cup near the hot water lever. It wasn’t in the way, but my sister insisted on moving it every time. The problem was that she moved it to a spot where I consistently knocked it to the floor. It’s a small thing, but it annoyed me. So now I keep my cup in a spot that’s out of the way, not on the sink. Problem solved.

Create flow with systems

And at the same time, create the flow you need to become the person you want to be. Glenn gives the example of being frustrated every morning, rushing to find your gym clothes. So, make going to the gym easy by setting your clothes out, including shoes, the night before. That works for career dressing, too. Or creating a task list for the next day in the late afternoon, when you know what’s not going to get done today.

Glenn’s post ended with a saying that makes perfect sense. “We do not rise to the level of our goals, we fall to the level of our systems.” So if we create systems that work to advance us toward achieving our goals, we’re bound to be successful. Let’s get ready for the dark months so that we crush those big goals at the start of the new year.

Introverts fail at this

We’ve seen lots of discussions lately about emotional intelligence. But many introverts fail at this. I’m an introvert. I’d much rather send an email than talk to someone. I’m writing this the day after Labor Day – and yesterday was absolutely fantastic. I spent most of the day with my dogs just relaxing. I read a good book for hours. No contact with the outside world. And it was great. So today (and most days, actually) I’m a little on edge because I do have to interact with other people. Most people’s worlds depend on successful interactions with others. And many introverts fail at this.

Imperative for success?

Many experts believe that emotional intelligence is imperative for success – for getting ahead, and even being happy. But introverts have a hard time with at least one, probably more, of the key skills that emotional intelligence requires.

We hear the term “emotional intelligence” being kicked around a lot lately, but what does it entail?

The keys to emotional intelligence

Self-awareness – this means that we are able to recognize our own emotions, choices and actions and how they may affect others. Introverts usually don’t have a problem with self-awareness. If anything, we’re too self-aware.

Self-regulation – the “ability to process and express emotions constructively, adapt to changes flexibly, and manage conflict effectively,” according to Psychologist Daniel Goleman. Sometimes I do have a problem expressing my emotions clearly and in a way that others understand without having to take action.

But here’s the big one – social skills. Goleman defines this as being an active listener and a strong communicator who can form “high-trust relationships.” This an introvert does with only a very few people. It takes a lot for us to really trust others.

Empathy and motivation are the last two emotional intelligence skills that Goleman identifies. Again, we don’t have a problem understanding and feeling for others. We can usually respond to others’ emotions in a careful and caring way. And we introverts can have a highly developed drive to seek out learning experiences and get things done.

How does this impact introverts?

So how does the lack of social skills impact us introverts? By not forming those “high-trust relationships” with others, we risk not having the camaraderie of others. Successful teams form relationships seemingly forever. And having those relationships adds a richness and fulfillment to life. Different people can add different perspectives to our own lives. They’ll bring up ideas that we may never have. Others have different backgrounds that can only add color and variety to our own lives. So, as much as it’s difficult, we introverts have to push and open ourselves to others for our own health and resilience.

The simplest can be the best

Why walking is a game changer for your healthy aging

Aging is different for us than for our parents. It seemed like our parents and grandparents welcomed the aging process. I remember my grandmother being terribly vain about her appearance, but not really doing much for her physical well-being other than visiting the doctor regularly. Exercise was not a priority for that generation. I think my grandmother would have laughed me into next week if I suggested she just take a walk with me. Walking is a game changer, though. The simplest exercise can be the best.

Movement of any kind is good

Movement of any kind can help us live longer and be happier. The World Health Organization says that inactivity can lead to an increased risk of chronic diseases such as diabetes, cardiovascular disease and certain cancers. And adding walking to your day is as easy as lacing up your sneakers. Park a little further away from the grocery store. You’ve got a cart for the groceries you buy, so walk the extra distance. And if it’s one of those deals where you rent the cart for a quarter, you’re getting double the benefit when you have to walk it back for your quarter.

The simplest exercise can be the best

Walking is easy. You don’t have to think about it – walking is just something we’ve done since babyhood. But it turns out that the simplest exercise can be the best – because you’re doing it.

Walking adds “repeated resistance” to our leg muscles and bones, making them stronger. Our hip, knee, and ankle joints’ mobility benefit from walking, too. And walking increases our endurance, too. If we want to continue participating in activities, then endurance is crucial. We want to be able to outlast those dogs or grandkids.

The number of steps you take can be a fun number to track, and that’s important, but the time and intensity of your exercise is the thing that matters most. If you’re taking a leisurely stroll, then you’ll have to do it for longer. But if you’re power-walking, then you’re working those legs at a higher intensity and the minimum 20 to 30 minutes three days a week should be sufficient. The latest guidance is that participants in a study who walked 8,000 steps twice a week had lower mortality from any cause than those who were sedentary.

So, go ahead. Lace up your sneakers and take a walk.

Who knew I was ahead of the times?

The motivation secret I told you about a year ago

Enter dopamine anchoring. Do you like to fold laundry? It’s not my favorite job, either. Do you like compiling a big report on Friday afternoon? Nope – I’m thinking about the weekend. It’s no surprise that we tend to procrastinate over jobs that we don’t care for. And then it’s a mad rush to get them done right before a deadline. But I told you about something I do that makes a task I don’t like a whole lot easier. It’s that little treat that keeps me going on the treadmill. Experts are now calling it dopamine anchoring.

Make work seem less like work

The theory is that when you pair a task with something that you enjoy, then the task feels less like work. “The term draws on the neurotransmitter dopamine, which is linked to pleasure, anticipation and motivation,” said Lauren Mastroni, a career expert at CV Genius. “The ‘anchoring’ part refers to creating a consistent link between that positive emotional payoff and the task you’ve associated with it.”

So if you consistently pair the same reward, say listening to your favorite music, with the same task, say compiling weekly reports that are due, then eventually your brain automatically associates compiling that report with a pleasurable activity, listening to your music. I have a favorite channel on Pandora, and listening to that helps me with the bookkeeping. Yes, I know, I have an accounting degree. But that doesn’t mean that I enjoy the work any longer. But I get to listen to my favorite tunes.

I’ve been using dopamine anchoring for months

You know that I’m not a running fan. But in the months that I’ve been listening to an exciting audiobook during my time on the treadmill, I’ve (kind of) turned my opinion about running on its side. Running is still hard and I don’t really look forward to it, but it’s the only time I get to listen to that book, so I keep on doing it.

Productivity expert Ryan Zhang says, “Over time, you stop dreading these tasks because your brain knows something good is coming.” And that’s why I keep putting on my running shoes. I want to find out what happens next in my book.

So I’ve anchored something I enjoy (escaping with an exciting book) with something I used to dread doing (running). Psychotherapist Meg Gitlin says this is powerful medicine. “Pairing a dull or difficult task with something pleasurable ― like listening to music while cleaning or enjoying a favorite snack while studying ― can help reframe the task as tolerable or even enjoyable. Over time, your brain learns to associate the task itself with positive reinforcement. This can improve consistency, motivation and even mood regulation.”

Instead of procrastinating, enjoy the chore

Instead of procrastinating over your least favorite chore, you’ll be looking forward to doing it because you’ll also be doing something you really enjoy.

So if you have a few laundry baskets piled with clothes or sheets that need folding, perhaps you should pop in your earbuds and listen to a podcast or music, or stream your favorite TV drama. You’ll save time that you used to waste procrastinating, and you’ll feel so productive having completed a chore that you dreaded. But what are you going to do with all those laundry baskets?

Sometimes you need to take a breath

Just take a breath

The world is moving at a faster pace than ever. News keeps coming at us all day, every day. From every direction, on every screen. And it’s hardly ever good. We’re being bombarded with messages from all over. Our “productivity culture” urges us to get more done faster, to do more, see more, go more places. But sometimes you need to take a breath. Just stop. Turn off the screens and get your hands dirty.

Time out for me

More experts are advocating “adult time-outs.” And it’s a great idea. Best-selling author and entrepreneur Chris Guillebeau in his book Time Anxiety promotes the idea of a “reverse bucket list.” You actually celebrate things that you’ve done. “The reverse bucket list is just like it sounds—what have I done that is interesting or notable, whether to other people or not? I think it’s helpful to just celebrate or even observe some of those things. You can do it as a big picture, like a life bucket list, or you can just be like, what’s your list of things that you’ve gotten done today? For those of us who tend to be thinking more about the future, perhaps reflecting on what we’ve been able to do thus far can actually bring us to a centering point.”

Take a look back

I’ve found that looking back on your day can be especially helpful on those days you feel like you haven’t accomplished anything. You know, those days when you’re busy all day and don’t have much that’s tangible to show for it. I call it the “Amazing Box” that you use to just note highlights of your day – good stuff that you did or that made you feel good. Your Amazing Box can be physical or digital – you can actually drop slips of paper that you’ve written on into a physical box. And it can be fun to pull slips out at random when you’re feeling low. But, yes, sometimes a digital box is easier – if you write notes on a digital platform then you always have it with you.

Looking at your notes about good things you’ve done is a great way to calm your brain. It lets you step back from all the tumult and say, “Yes, I did that. I’m really okay.” Or, “I’m really good at that.” Sometimes you need to take a breath and step away from the crazy now and look back a little.

Take up a granny hobby

Guillebeau and other experts are embracing “granny hobbies” for calming anxiety also. Getting your hands moving prevents you from doomscrolling and getting caught up in that swirling chaos. Folks have been nurturing their sourdough starters since the pandemic. Others are turning to crafts like knitting and crochet for their calming effects. Still others are getting their hands dirty and gardening. I do love to knit, but my personal favorite is needlework. Nothing like pushing a needle in and out of material for calming your brain. The activity is deeply satisfying, plus at the end you’re left with something beautiful or good to eat.

Sometimes you need to take a breath. Step back and calm your brain. Put the anxiety on hold, if only for a little while. Look back at your day. Or work with your hands and get some peace of mind.

Positivity is overrated

Don’t develop a positive mindset, develop a belief mindset

Positivity is overrated. It’s really not a good thing to be a Pollyanna. It’s not enough to be positive. Pollyanna was just a book (also the main character. Pollyanna is a novel by Eleanor H. Porter, published in 1913). These days, a “Pollyanna” is someone who finds the positive in everything and finds something in every situation to be glad about. The last few weeks I’ve been talking about mindset, and how you can change your own to help you become more resilient and even achieve your goals. So you might think that all you need is a positive mindset and you’re on your way to rainbows and unicorns.

No unicorns yet

But getting to the finish line takes more. Yes, you need a positive mindset, but you also need a deep-seated belief in yourself and in what you’re attempting to achieve. Your mindset is more than stating that you’re being positive. Or even that you believe in what you’re doing. It’s your taking action every day toward your goal, in keeping with that mindset.

If you have a goal to be active every day, then saying to yourself, “I know I can move every day!” doesn’t really accomplish a whole lot. But, if every morning you wake up and walk for 20 minutes, that’s not a huge investment in time, but it lays a solid foundation for success in achieving your goal. It also goes a long way toward your healthy aging – putting your health first – and toward improving your resilience. You’re demonstrating that you do what’s needed every day to achieve your goal.

Positivity had no place when Tango was young.

My dog Tango started out as a reactive, biting, snarling, shark of a puppy. He was 11 months old and hostile to everyone and everything except me. Tango let me do anything to him. When I first met Tango at his breeder’s home, I had no idea of his real personality. It was a controlled environment and so I didn’t realize until I brought him home what a challenge he would be. I had plans for Tango – we would train and compete in Agility and he would be fantastic.

So I brought Tango home, full of positivity and dreams. And then reality hit. No Agility training for Tango – at least not until he was able to go out in public without trying to lunge at and bite everything in sight. I had to shift my beliefs. Tone down that positivity.

Deep-seated belief leads to work

I still believed that I could turn Tango around. So we trained. And trained. For months. I went out with him, getting him used to the world, or my corner of it. I shifted my mindset from blind optimism and positivity to belief that it was in my little dog to be a great partner. I paired that belief with a realistic plan of individual training and then group classes. That plan was ever-changing, depending on what Tango and I needed for the next few weeks.

And with that shift came new challenges. I was able to try new things and introduce new places to Tango. The group classes were always challenging since I had to be ever-watchful. But I believed that we could still be successful and so we persisted.

Reality now.

Positivity is overrated, but belief and working at it every day brought the goals to fruition.

Flash forward to today. Tango competed in both Agility and Rally (a slightly slower dog sport) through the Master Classes. The photo is of Tango competing in Agility. He got more ribbons than I want to count, and more titles than any other dog I’ve owned. He’s sixteen now, and spends most of his days snoozing in a comfy bed.

But if I hadn’t had the deep-down belief that we could actually do it, Tango might not have made it past his first year.

Positivity is overrated on its own. But pair positivity and belief, and a willingness to work at the goal every day, and there’s no telling what you can achieve. It worked for Tango’s reactivity and it will work for your fitness goals.

Worry is a waste of time

Worry is a waste of time. And yet we can’t help ourselves. I’ll include myself in this group. I’m a worrier. Most of the worry is nebulous and not about anything specific. Some worry is about whether or not a certain event will occur. Sometimes I even worry about the weather. None of this worry is productive. The worry is omnipresent. And it’s not good for us.

I worry about storms

Worry causes our anxiety to spike. And we know that anxiety is not healthy. An article in Harvard Health Publishing states that when we’re under stress, we’re prone to headaches, nausea, muscle pain, and other ailments. There is nothing actually physically wrong with us, but we’re manifesting these symptoms. And stress over the long term can cause your blood pressure to rise and loss of sleep.

My favorite method to relieve stress

I’ve written about various methods that can calm stress and address anxiety. My favorite is still my fitness routine. When I’m exercising, I have a half hour or forty minutes that I have to pay attention and focus. I can’t let my mind wander.

Let them … what?

A new trend on addressing stress comes from best-selling author Mel Robbins. Her “Let Them” theory, which is not new, helps us believe that we have no power over others. They’re going to do whatever it is they’re going to do and we can’t influence their actions. We only have power over our own actions. How we react to others is the only thing we can influence.

The more we let others do their own thing, the healthier it is for us. Worrying about what the other guy is going to do is not going to persuade them in any way, and the only result of that is to make us sick. Worry is a waste of time. This is a powerful mindset. Accepting that you can’t do anything about what others do can help you make room for a more positive mindset.

If there’s something to do, do it. Otherwise be like Elsa.

When we start thinking about the world situation, or the weather, or what your crazy neighbor will do (we’ve been lucky enough to not have too many crazy neighbors), just ask yourself what you can actually do about it. If it’s nothing, then ask yourself how you can prepare for whatever outcome you’re most anxious about. And do that. Or, be like Elsa in Frozen and let it go. Your blood pressure will thank you. You might sleep better. And you’re doing more for your healthy aging and your resilience than sitting and worrying about what might never come to pass.

Discipline is mindset

People say I have tremendous discipline. Not to toot my own horn, but I moderate my portions – even spaghetti. Exercise 4 or 5 times a week. Wrote and published 3 books in my spare time. And I usually don’t get sucked in by the usual clickbait. How? Discipline. Discipline is mindset. It’s hard – kind of like putting on jeans fresh out of the dryer. Sitting is awkward, and you may not be able to do the button. But if it’s important enough, and the steps toward that ultimate goal are small enough, it happens without you even realizing it.

The benefits that come with discipline

Discipline comes with its own set of benefits, not least of which is achieving goals. But you’ll also be improving your resilience – knowing that life takes potshots at us, trying to throw us off our game. But with discipline, we get right back to the task at hand. And with the discipline of creating good habits, we’re influencing our healthy aging. When you’re disciplined, you’re happier too. You know that you’re doing what it takes to get to where you want to be.

We’re wired to be couch potatoes, though

So, how do you make discipline easy? First, recognize that our brains are wired for us to be couch potatoes. There’s nothing we all like more than bingeing our current Netflix series. Our tendency is to conserve energy. But we know that the science is just the opposite. Expending energy produces more energy.

Second, we expect that our motivation will kick in at some point and magically lift us off the couch. It doesn’t work that way, unfortunately. If we want the results of exercise, we have to do it ourselves. Getting strong takes work. And no one is going to do it for us.

It’s hard and the writing was trash…

Third, you probably have the belief that if you’re disciplined, it will feel like everything in your brain will click into place. Again, not how it works. When I was working on my second novel, it was a struggle to get up early and write the hundreds of words I set as my goal. Some days it didn’t happen because the words were trash. But when you have something really important at the back of your brain that you want to achieve, you do the work. Toward the end of that book, the writing did get easier and I was able to finish – and some say this book was even better than the first novel.

Everything all at once is a recipe for disaster

And fourth, when you’re trying to be more disciplined, you’re probably trying to do everything all at once. Again, that’s just setting yourself up for failure. Discipline is mindset, but it only works when you take small steps. Train your brain to take those small steps every day. Because they lead up to the big ones.

Change the narrative

My new watchword is to do something every day that makes you happy. I don’t like to feel sorry for myself. But my birthday’s on a Tuesday this year – the busiest day of the week for me, when I don’t get home until about 9:30 in the evening after teaching a dog class and then training my own dog. I enjoy relaxing in the evening, so Tuesday is not my favorite day of the week. But instead of telling myself that it’s a bummer that my birthday is on a Tuesday, I’ll change the narrative and tell myself that every moment is an opportunity to look back and enjoy my life.

Where’s my happy place?

Now, I have it pretty good in life. Yes, there are some concerns, but (knock on wood) I’m amazingly healthy overall, we have food on the table and a roof over our heads. My dogs are thriving (also knock on wood because 2 are elderly) and I enjoy training them. But for this birthday I’m feeling low, and reminding myself of how grateful I am for everything I have is not helping. So I have to go back and remind myself of an article I wrote a while ago. You only need one thing to enter your happy place: a mindset shift.

Mindset influences actions

I’ve noticed that my mindset influences my actions. If I’m feeling low, my sister starts asking me if everything is okay, which annoys me and worsens my mood. So, when she starts asking, I know it’s time for me to take a look inside. Dr. Jacob Towery, adjunct clinical instructor in the department of psychiatry at Stanford University, says that our mind influences our actions. And that mindset is malleable and can be changed.

Dr. Towery assures, “the good news is mindsets are highly changeable, and if you are willing to learn the technology of changing your mindset and defeating your distorted thoughts, you can have significantly more happiness.”

Change your mindset, change your life

The key to changing your mindset is to question your thoughts that are self-defeating and work on creating new narratives that are more self-serving. That positive mindset goes a long way toward building your resilience.

So, on my birthday I’ll change the narrative and view every moment of that Tuesday as an opportunity to smile and say, “Thank you” when someone wishes me a Happy Birthday. And I’ll work on enjoying that.

Develop mental strength

Get strong, mentally

You may have noticed that we’ve been focusing on our heads a lot lately. Or, rather, what’s in our head. As the writer, I write about stuff that’s top of my mind. And lately that’s mental strength. The news is horrible every day and I’ve been having a hard time sleeping with it all. On top of that our aging AC gave up the ghost in the middle of this major heatwave. So we’ve retreated to the basement where it’s cooler – dogs and all. My brain keeps going to the “What if” place and I keep telling it to stop. I’m succeeding for the most part. Does that qualify as mental strength? Anyway, I’ll take it. Really, though, how do you build up your mental strength?

Is consistency key?

First off, what makes someone mentally strong? James Clear believes that it comes down to consistency. Athletes who are mentally strong don’t miss workouts. Mentally strong leaders work toward a goal consistently, a bit every day. They don’t let short-term setbacks deter them. And mentally strong writers, artists and employees show up every day and do what’s needed.

Others seem to agree that consistency is important, but they also have other tips for gaining mental strength.

Why is it important?

But why is having mental strength important? First off, you’ll stay committed to your goals, what’s important to you. You’ll have more resilience and be able to adapt more quickly when things go sideways. Also, you’ll be able to deal with stress better. When you have to make an important decision, being mentally strong gives you an edge.

Tips for building mental strength

So about those other tips for building up your mental strength: First off, practice mindfulness. Be present and fully engaged, or focused, on yourself and your surroundings. Meditation can help ground you, or take a mindful walk, observing your surroundings. Calm.com says that this can “enhance your focus, reduce stress, and improve emotional regulation.” All these enhance your mental fortitude.

Second, be kind to yourself. Acknowledge your mistakes but go easy on yourself. Self-compassion goes a long way toward being strong mentally. Also be aware of your feelings. Try journaling them. The more you know yourself, you’ll know what you’re capable of.

Third, try new things. Step out of your comfort zone. Start a new hobby that you’re intrigued by. This will also enhance your resilience. You’ll have new experiences, perhaps meet new people.

Develop a positive mindset. Challenge your negative thoughts. This will cultivate an optimistic but realistic outlook. Practice this frequently and don’t be surprised if your problem-solving ability is also enhanced.

Learn from your failures. We’ve talked about failing goals recently. By acknowledging those failures, you can learn valuable lessons about yourself.

So, make it a priority to develop mental strength. You’re already doing most of the work. You set goals and are learning about yourself in studying the failures. You’re practicing mindfulness and cultivating a positive mindset.