Kick in the pants or pep talk?

I stopped with my gym shoe half on … Picture this: you’re changing into your workout clothes. Whether it’s a walk outside, on the treadmill, or in the mall. Or a down-and-dirty strength workout. Perhaps your planned workout is a dance cardio sweat-fest. And you’re just not feeling it. You know you should do it – for your healthy aging, for a more optimistic mindset. (blah blah) You’ve told yourself that you don’t have a good excuse not to do your workout so you’d better do it. That’s not working. If that kick in the pants didn’t work – didn’t get you moving to start your workout, what will work?

Remember those sports movies where our team is losing badly in the first half of the game? Then the coach comes in and gives a spirited pep talk? Will that work for us! Should we give ourselves a rousing pep talk?

Jacqueline and Milton Mayfield, a husband-and-wife team at Texas A&M International University, have studied these pep talks and they say, absolutely, they work. Pep talks that work have some things in common that we can apply to ourselves.

Be empathetic

The first thing is to be empathetic. I always tell you to stop talking negatively to yourself. That doesn’t do any good. If your week has been particularly hectic, you can remind yourself of that – and then tell yourself that a workout will be a great release. Shake off all that pent-up stress.

The meaning in your message

Attach meaning to your message. Think about why you’re working so hard. Think about that grandkid you chase around the back yard. Or the hiking trip that’s coming up in a few weeks. You know the only reason you’re able to do those things is because you work on your fitness.

Be specific

And be specific while talking to yourself – Yes, those push-ups are hard. But you did 5 last time. Don’t forget to tighten the muscles in your chest and back and let’s go for 6. Or you did 4 minutes at 4 mph and 10 percent incline. Let’s go for 5 minutes. 

So, we’ve got instruction, empathy, and meaning-making elements in our very brief pep talk to ourselves. Once you get into the practice of establishing these in your self-messaging, you’ll be unstoppable. Your pep talk to yourself with these elements can’t miss.

Now is a good time to look at your goals

End of October? How Can That Be!

It’s the end of October already. Time is zipping by much too quickly. There are just a couple of more months this year. And it’s natural to look at December 31 as our assessment date. Even though I’ve mentioned before that making New Year’s resolutions is an artificial construct we put on ourselves, it’s natural that we use the calendar year as a benchmark. Did we get all the stuff done this year that we wanted to? Did we let a few goals pass us by? Or did we fail at some things?

What will make us happy?

But the end of October is the perfect time to look at our goals and figure out what we really want to push for. This is the time to really figure out what will make us happy in the long-term. An article in Forbes Magazine agrees – this could be the right step onto the path for success. Adjust our mindset and focus. This is where we can make the changes that really matter to our healthy aging.

I’ll use myself as an example, because I’m who I know. And, why not?

Here’s one I may reach

I have a goal to run / walk for 2.75 miles in 20 minutes on the treadmill at 10 percent incline when walking by the end of the year. The run part is at 2.5 percent. I set this goal about 3 months ago. That may happen because I’m at about 2.5 miles now. Or it may not. It all depends on how my knees feel and how tired I am. I’m good with letting this one lag behind. As long as I’m seeing improvement. Going further and maybe running a little more.

Another Golly and the Cookie Book!

I have another goal of publishing the 5th Golly and the Cookie picture book by the end of November. It’s mostly done – just waiting for final edits. So that one should be good to go. (Yay! These little books make me happy.) And if anyone has grandkids or nieces and nephews who like picture books, take a peek at the backlist.

My dog knows some tricks, but is that title-worthy?

Yet another goal is getting my dog’s Trick Dog title. He knows a lot of stuff, but I need to buckle down, look at the list of acceptable behaviors for the title and get to work on the ones he doesn’t know. But that should be done by year-end.

See what I mean about reassessing? You’ve done the work of creating those goals. Now’s the time to look at your goals and figure out if they still mean something to you. If they do, make a push to get them done. If not – be like Elsa and let them go.

Keep on moving

Aches? Pains? So what! Yeah, I’m old. I’ve got aches and pains. I still keep moving. I think that’s the key, actually. Keep on moving for our health and our chronic pain. And the docs at UCLA Health agree. 

Here’s a startling statistic: according to the Centers for Disease Control, about a quarter – 25% – of Americans live with chronic pain. For too many people, their pain limits their everyday mobility and the enjoyment they get from life. Their pain dictates their life.

I keep on moving despite the pain in my hips and my knees. Those UCLA Health docs say that movement is medicine.

People are used to thinking that if they exercise, their pain will get worse. But moving can actually lubricate the joints, reduce joint stiffness, and improve strength. This is especially true for people with arthritis. Exercise can reduce the bone deterioration associated with the disease.

Of course, there are other conditions that lead to chronic pain, including fibromyalgia, cancer, nerve damage, or trauma. Those doctors say that movement can help their pain as well. Movement increases blood and oxygen flow through the body. This helps reduce inflammation, and exercise builds muscle strength. If we’re stronger, we can do more of our daily activities with less pain.

And we know that exercise can also lead to release of endorphins, elevating mood and mindset, and benefiting overall health and feelings of well-being. 

Of course, if you have chronic pain and you’re not used to exercise, it’s best to consult your own doctor. They may suggest meeting with a physical therapist to get you started with the best exercise regime for you.

For me? I’ll keep doing what I’m doing. I exercise 3-5 days a week, incorporating strength moves on at least 2 days. I do my run / walk on the treadmill a couple of days a week, listening to a good audiobook with a lot of action to keep my mind off of what my legs are doing. I’m getting stronger and building more endurance. Yes, I still have pain. But I keep on moving.

When life throws curveballs

Minding my own business. Rolling along… Working, exercising, training the dogs… And then bam! An emergency. And then another one. Life throws curveballs at anytime. What can we do?

Everything’s under control … until it’s not

We think we’ve got our lives under control. Great house, great family, cute dogs, fulfilling work. And then things happen. Something is eating the garden. The dog starts throwing up. A family member develops a condition that, it turns out, is chronic. Things we don’t plan for. 

Events like this really test our resilience. “Psychologists define resilience as the process of adapting well in the face of adversity, trauma, tragedy, threats, or significant sources of stress—such as family and relationship problems, serious health problems, or workplace and financial stressors,” according to the American Psychological Association. As we maneuver through these events, though, we’re tempted to sit in a corner and cry or scream. But, the more resilient we are, the sooner we stand up, put our shoulders back, take a deep breath, and deal with the things that need dealing with.

Internal growth can come out of adversity

We do some internal growing as we’re dealing with these adversities, too. We all deal with adversity, but the more resilient we are, the sooner we actually address the problems that face us. And the more resilient we are, the healthier we tend to be.

Build resilience with these components

So how can we build our resilience? The APA says we need to draw on these four components: connection, wellness, healthy thinking, and meaning.

Connection means that you have a strong support system. You can bounce ideas off of others, and these others will keep you grounded.

Exercise shouldn't hurt, but if the reward for doing it isn't motivating, make it hurt not to.

And, we must take care of ourselves first. Like airplane attendants tell us, put your own oxygen mask on first. Our wellness must take priority. As hard as it might be, we have to focus on the things that are key to our healthy aging – exercise, nutrition, good sleep, and a healthy mental state.

Healthy thinking – it’s all too easy to think ourselves down that negative spiral. Catch yourself when it happens and pull yourself out. Change directions. Address a problem from a different angle.

And as for meaning – find your own purpose. Join a group, help others, be proactive.

After all, it’s our life. We only have one. And we have to do everything we can to get the most out of it.

That starry warm feeling

I remember an old Star Trek: The Next Generation episode about a game that was taking over the Enterprise. It involved putting on a special eyeglasses device so you could manipulate the game with your mind. The goal was to direct an object toward and into a hole. When you were successful the device sent a dopamine shot your way. Naturally, everyone wanted that shot. The creators of this game wanted everyone so engrossed in the game that they could take over the ship. Naturally, they were caught in the end but it was a close thing. But we all strive for that dopamine shot now. I call it a starry warm feeling.

When you’re playing a little game on your phone, doesn’t it thrill you just a little when you get that confetti? When the little animal mascot jumps up and down and cheers for you? That keeps you playing. You’re getting that starry warm feeling and you just click the button for the next level.

I try to achieve that feeling when I exercise. Some call it a runner’s high. It’s like that shot of dopamine that you get from the game, but this one can do a lot more for your healthy aging. It’s hard to do, though, if you’re not a fan of exercise to start with – like me. Add to that, we lose our some of our ability to produce that dopamine as we get older. 

You’ve noticed it – you procrastinate when it’s time to exercise. You’re all changed into your workout clothes, but you’re not feeling it. You pick up your phone and open your email – just to see if there’s anything you need to take care of. 

So how do we combat that double whammy and actually do the workout? First, try to find an activity that you can tolerate. I’m not going to say like, because we all know the answer to that. If you like to dance, find a dance class at your level or just start an energetic playlist and get moving to the beat. You know that we had the best music, so play it and dance.

If you and your friends like to walk, get together and do a brisk walk. Or put on your headphones and find a good trail to hike. (But keep an ear out for sounds around you. Some cyclists are not polite…)

And if you still aren’t feeling it, give it a few minutes before you call it quits. You’ll probably get into it. You may get that starry warm feeling. But even if you don’t you’re doing some good for yourself.

Accept yourself as you are to get ready for more

Don’t go to that dark place

Everyone I know dislikes something about themselves. Usually it’s something about their appearance. Sometimes it’s something else. Me? I don’t like the potbelly that appears when I forget to suck it in. A lot of the time it’s something that can’t be changed. And disliking something about yourself can mess with your mind. It sends your self-esteem into a tailspin. It takes your brain to dark and disturbing places. And it’s hard to recover from that kind of mentality. And it prevents us from moving on to bigger and better things. So, let’s all agree: accept yourself as you are to get ready for more.

But it’s common

An article in Psychology Today agrees that most of us find fault with something about ourselves and says that we all believe that this will be motivation for us to change that thing. But it doesn’t always work that way. You can certainly try to be better, more attractive, skinnier, but that may take time. And in some cases, may not be possible at all. I talk quite a bit about setting goals. Decide on something you want, make sure that it’s feasible and reasonable within a certain time frame, set intermediate goals to get you on the path, and take action.

In the meantime…

But while you’re taking that action, you’re going to be looking in the mirror at the same reflection. Accept how you look right now. And if it’s a thought process that you want to change, the first step to change how you think is to recognize that process. Accept it, acknowledge it, train your brain to turn to how you want to think as you recognize your thought in the moment.

Remember your Amazing Box

And as you change the things that you can change, make sure that you’re acknowledging the hard work you’ve done to get there. You’ve taken steps to change yourself for the better. You’re adding resilience and strength. You might not be all the way to where you want to be yet, but every step is an achievement. And on days that you feel down about yourself, remind yourself how far you’ve come. Make contributions to your Amazing Box as you reach the milestones toward your goal. And on those down days, reach into your Amazing Box and read one of them. That’s motivation to keep going.

It’s okay to keep your stuff

I read an article telling me it was okay to keep my stuff. That made me happy. My philosophy of No Guilt is right on target again. We’ve been told that we should do a “Swedish death cleaning” so that our kids don’t have all that stuff to go through. The author of this article said bush-wah to that. If you enjoy every knick-knack on your shelves, keep them. If you enjoy all the hundreds of socks in your drawers, there’s nothing wrong with that. It really is okay to keep your stuff.

Don’t let others lay a guilt trip on you

Don’t let anyone else guilt you into getting rid of your things. If they bring you joy, keep them.

I don’t know why we sometimes feel the urge to collect things. I have some dolphin figurines. Some are glass. Some are ceramic. Some are metal. Some are more realistic than others. Some are better than others. I love them all. I enjoy looking at them. I’m keeping them.

I’m the one that has to dust them. And when I feel the urge to do that, I enjoy picking each one up and putting it back once the shelf is dusted. Even if I hired someone to do the dusting for me (wouldn’t that be nice!), I would still enjoy looking at my little collection.

If your things bring you joy, keep them!

They bring back wonderful memories that make me happy. And happiness adds to our resilience and promotes healthy aging. I’m all for happy!

If you enjoy decluttering, go for it. If you no longer enjoy the things on your shelf, then by all means weed them out. Get rid of the clutter that is in the way of your life. If you stack magazines by a table and you’re constantly knocking the pile over. Find a different place for your magazine. If you don’t read them and if the most recent one is three years old, recycle them.

And if you have clutter blocking your pathways through your house, that’s a hazard. Definitely get rid of that. I spoke with an aging expert a number of years ago, and she told me that clutter is a major cause of falls in folks our age. We should do everything we can to reduce our risk of falling, like improving our balance or getting rid of clutter. Especially in our own homes.

But we can’t let others dictate what we do with things that make us happy. It’s okay to keep your stuff.

See success on the horizon

If you’re retired, yay! I used to daydream of lazy mornings with coffee and the newspaper when I thought of retirement back when I had a real job. Getting up when I woke up. Doing what I wanted with my days. But reality is far different. No lazy mornings when you have dogs. They’re up with me as the sun rises. And who wants to look at the news now anyway? While we may not have an actual job to go to every day, there are things we still want to get done. Some days it seems like there are too many things we want to do and not enough hours in the day, even without a job. So, we have to figure out what things need to be actual goals. What do we really want to do with the rest of our lives? How can you see success?

Create a framework for success

We need to create a framework – a blueprint – a plan – to be able to do the things we want to. Here’s how to create that framework.

Think about what’s most important to you. For me, it’s my family and my dogs. I have to be present for them every day. And try to be positive and upbeat. How can I achieve that?

First I need to be able to physically provide what they need. So I have to be fit – mentally and physically. What’s lacking for me? 

You get the picture – think about the various aspects of your life. What’s needed, what’s lacking. How can I bridge that gap? How can I lay the foundation of that bridge? Do I have the ability to plan that bridge? Do I need help with it? What do I need for the cement or the bricks? Create goals that are right for you.

But aren’t we at the stage of life where we don’t need goals? No – everyone needs goals. No matter how young or old you are. Having a purpose keeps us going. It grows our resilience. And a purpose keeps us healthy. It helps take us out of ourselves – so we live longer, have a healthier heart, reduces the risk of Alzheimer’s, and reduces inflammation and the risk of other disease. Proper goals boost your motivation, too – you’ll want to take action to accomplish them.

Print it out so you can see it

When you’re ready to create your framework, lay it all out on paper, because it’s easy to see everything that way. Write in ink. One piece of paper for each aspect of your life that you want to address. Think about pie in the sky now. Dream big. For me? One dream is to compete in obedience with my younger dog. I wasn’t giving him the best training, trying to address his needs on the nights I taught others. I talked about that with an expert and she recommended that I stop bringing him, and figure out a way to give him my undivided attention. So far, it’s working. I can see success on the horizon.

Don’t wait forever

What do cat videos and chaos have in common? I watched a short video this morning from a guy I follow on Facebook and something struck me. He said, “If you wait for life to calm down before you laugh, you’ll be waiting a long time.” Here’s a secret: life does not calm down. There’s always something that seems to come first. Let’s all adopt a new philosophy: Don’t wait forever to laugh and be happy.

Don’t let the stuff get in the way

There are always things to do. Things that don’t take a back seat to anything. There will always be chaos in the world. But you’ll always have five minutes to watch a silly cat video and laugh. Take a minute for joy. You’ll feel better about the rest of your day. You’ll even increase your resilience, and your overall health.

There are a few things you can do every day to boost your happiness that don’t take much time as well. We’ve talked about many of these things before, but they bear repeating. Because you can never have too much happiness or joy. Real Simple magazine recently listed 12 of them! 

Think of others

Do something nice for someone. Pick up the phone and call a friend or relative. They’ll enjoy hearing from you. Or even send a text and let them know you’re thinking about them.

Take a walk outside. Breathe some fresh air.

Notice humorous moments throughout your day. They happen – we just have to pay attention.

Turn it around

Turn a situation around and find a more positive aspect. If something goes wrong, and something inevitably goes wrong, you can usually find a way to get something positive out of it. Shift your perspective. Find a lesson in the bad stuff. Or at least acknowledge your part and move on.

Yes, sometimes we do have to look for the joy in life. Some days it’s definitely harder than others. But joy and happiness are there. Don’t wait forever to find them.

Procrastinating increases stress

Did you ever start thinking about all the things you have to do – all the things on your list that didn’t get done last week. And all the things people are expecting you to do this week. Then all the things that you want to do to try to push just a little bit further toward whatever goal you want to achieve? And you don’t feel like doing any of it? Don’t wait. Start now. Procrastinating will only increase your stress. Life is stressful enough as it is without adding additional stress to it. 

I was sitting at my desk the other day, looking at my to-do list. It never gets any shorter. And not doing any of the things listed on it. I was feeling more and more anxious, and more and more stressed. Why? By not starting a task? 

So, instead of actually starting a task, I did a little research. It turns out that procrastinating really does increase your stress. I was not imagining it. A review in the National Institutes for Health indicates that procrastination is a low-resource means of avoiding aversive and difficult task-related emotions. 

Yes. Instead of beginning a task on my list, I procrastinated and added more stress by researching procrastination and stress.

We know that stress is bad for our health. It tends to compromise our immunity. And as we age our immunity decreases. Not what we need.

Here’s the deal. If you’ve got something on your list that you think is too challenging, you’ll try to avoid doing it. Or if you said something to your best friend that you probably shouldn’t have, you’re going to put off calling them to apologize. On the other hand, if your dog threw up, you’re going to grab the paper towels and cleaner and do something about it. There are few immediate adverse consequences to not jumping into a challenging task. Your friend will still accept your apology a few days later. After you’ve worked yourself up about it and finally called. 

So even though you know you might pay some consequences later, it’s worth it to you to put off taking the action. That action is hard. It might be worthwhile in the end (making progress on a challenging task or strengthening your friendship), but right now you’ll procrastinate. You know that the carpet will stain, though, or someone will walk through the mess, so you clean it up right away. That’s easy. And, as it turned out, my research into procrastination actually did tick an item off of my list: this article!

Procrastinating increases stress. So get to it. Start small. Take one little action. Chances are, you’ll be motivated to do more.