Fran's Fitness Over 50

Clarify your priorities

An old tool, but a good one for clarifying priorities

We’re getting close to that time of year when everyone seems to be talking about resolutions and goals for next year. I do this all year, because life doesn’t automatically change on December 31 and I have a whole new set of priorities. But many people stand by the New Year’s Resolution thing. Regardless, this is an exercise that everyone does at some point.

Here’s an old tool, but a good one, for clarifying priorities. Steven Covey, author of The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, coined the term for the process from a speech given by Dwight D. Eisenhower. The Eisenhower Decision Matrix, or Urgent-Important Box, helps clarify priorities and determine the order tasks should be performed. I like this because it shows at a glance how we view problems. I’ve changed the matrix a little to suit the task of goal-setting.

First step – list the tasks that need doing. In order to prioritize our tasks we have to know what they are. Spend a couple of days on this – writing the tasks down as you think of them. I’ll be brushing my teeth at night and I’ll think of something that needs to get done. That’s why I always keep my trusty notebook with me. The next morning I’m usually able to decipher my cryptic notes. So spend a couple of days thinking before you start to set your priorities

Urgent or Important?

Top-left, or front and center, are the things that are most important – the things that have consequences if they’re not completed. For us, if the doctor tells us to lose 50 pounds or we’ll die, that’s most urgent and imporant. These usually come to mind right away. We schedule everything else around these urgent and important tasks.

Important but not urgent tasks are those you still want to complete. These are the tasks or goals that you believe will set you up for success or happiness. So schedule your intermediate steps for these. If mastering the side plank will make you feel incredibly strong, schedule those mini-goals right on your calendar. Modify for a week on elbow and knee with your foot on the floor. Then lift the foot. When you’re ready lift onto your elbow and stagger your feet for the side plank. Then stack your feet, then lift onto your hand – you get the idea. You’re building your arm and core strength, and you’ll be making strides if you follow your schedule. And, by the way, this is an empowering pose. You’ll feel unbeatable.

Those urgent but unimportant tasks – like dusting – can be avoided or delegated. If you want your house cleaned before the holidays, hire a service.

And the tasks that are not urgent and unimportant can be put on your list for when you have an extra five or ten minutes between other tasks. Or if they’re fun tasks, like reading a chapter in that library book, you can fit that in as your little reward for achieving a mini-goal.

It may seem like an overwhelming job to prioritize all the tasks you have to do. But clarifying your priorities is an important step. So, don’t panic and set yourself a reasonable time to get it done. The Eisenhower Matrix can be a valuable tool. And then starts the really fun job of achieving your biggest goals.

Nurture your motivation

Setting goals is an inspiring activity. You’re fired up in anticipation of what you’ll accomplish. But then time goes by and you’re less motivated than you were. You still may want to achieve that goal but it’s not exciting. Your motivation just isn’t what it used to be. Professor of Behavioral Science Ayelet Fishbach says, “to be motivated, you either change the situation or the way you think about the situation. This is the science in one sentence.” Your goal is still there, but if you’re not still enthused about it, you have to nurture your motivation.

Change your mindset

You have to change the circumstances or the way you think about it. If you can’t change the situation, change your mindset. Professor Fishbach gives her own example. She wanted to be more active. But instead of telling herself to walk more, she got a puppy. While that shouldn’t be the only reason to get a puppy, the puppy has certainly increased the professor’s activity. Telling yourself to do something you don’t really want to do is a recipe for failing that goal. I used to have the goal of keeping an orderly desk. That didn’t work – I failed miserably. I just don’t see the point, and having a messy desk doesn’t bother me enough to change. So I dropped that goal. My motivation to achieve it did not deserve nurturing.

Goals are abandoned because the pursuit is not enjoyable

On the other hand, Fishbach’s research found that most goals are abandoned because people don’t enjoy pursuing them. If you set the goal of losing 10 pounds by the end of the year but don’t have a good enough reason to find motivation for it, you’ll probably abandon that goal. But if you receive an invitation for a party you really want to go to, and know the outfit you want to wear, and that there will be a great band to dance to, you have a better chance at maintaining your momentum.

Sustain your momentum when you nurture your motivation

But you’ll only sustain your momentum if you nurture your motivation. Fishbach found that the reason people don’t enjoy pursuing their goals is because they take too long. People are excited when they set goals and closer to the end, they can see the finish line and are excited to get there. But in the middle, their motivation is lacking.

In our example, you’ve got 2 months to get party-ready. And if you call your goal “party-ready,” that sounds more fun than “lose weight.” 2 months isn’t a lot of time in the long term, but it’s 8 weeks. 60 days. A long stretch of chocolate withdrawal. So, here’s how to nurture your motivation: set those intermediate goals. Make sure you have a goal for every week that makes sense. For the first week, eat an extra serving of veggies every day for a week. Or walk 10 more minutes every day. And at the end of the week, perhaps a slice of cheese on the veggies. Or read an extra chapter in the book you want to devour.

Nurturing your motivation helps you to achieve important goals. I’ve said it before, but it bears repeating. When you achieve goals that are important to you, you’ll feel like you can take on the world. You did it!

By understanding yourself, you can understand how to achieve the goals that are important to you. You’ll be able to nurture your motivation from the start to the finish of a project.

Try the Grow-in Instead of the Lock-in

Great Lock-in Too Restricted? Try the Grow

A while back I wrote about the Great Lock-in. There are just a couple months left of the year, and this would be the time to get ready to take down all comers in the New Year. Make sure you slay those dragons in the first quarter and achieve your goals in a flash. But that might seem too harsh and restrictive. Many folks are trying a different TikTok challenge – the 75 Grow. There aren’t quite 75 days left this year, but that shouldn’t dissuade you from trying this. The goal here is to move, do something you’d ordinarily avoid, and be creative every day. Basically, to grow three habits before the end of the year.

So before you say that this is dumb, let’s take a closer look at what happens when you grow 3 healthy habits before next year.

Movement

This part you’re probably already on board with. I’ve written about the importance of exercise, and if you exercise three or four days a week, you’re probably not sitting around all day on the other days. Even a brief walk counts to grow this habit.

Do something brave

Doing something you’d prefer to avoid every day counts as being brave, in my mind. I was brave last week and called a new dentist’s office (the dentist I’d been seeing for many years retired this last summer). I could have put it off for a few more weeks, but I knew the tooth that was giving me problems would not get better on its own. And the day after I visited my new dentist I was brave again and showed up for the No Kings rally in a neighboring town. Being brave like this increases our optimism – I was proud of myself even for making that phone call. And it also increases our resilience. We’re able to face challenges and meet them head on.

Be creative

This is the fun part of the challenge for me. Increasing our creativity opens our mind to other new things. Even if it’s doing something you’re done before, this will open new passageways in your brain and, again, increase your optimism, happiness, and resilience.

If we grow 3 healthy habits before the end of the year, we’ll be moving more, we’ll be happier and more optimistic. We’ll also be able to meet more challenges and confront more obstacles without sending us into a declining spiral. And we’ll be healthier, having moved our bodies every day.

Get it done – with a friend

I believe in getting stuff done. If you want something, I say, figure out a way and get it done. Many times, though, it’s not so simple. Sometimes there are natural impediments to what you want. Other times the thing that you want is so nebulous you can’t clarify it in your own mind. And still other times, you get stuck doing other stuff or procrastinate doing that first thing. But here’s a thought, you can get it done – with a friend.

Friends give you a nudge

That’s right, enlist friends to give you that nudge to get stuff done. Here’s an example. Every time you open your closet, you cringe. It’s over-stuffed. Shoes are everywhere. You can’t hang another thing on the rack. And you know that there’s lots of stuff in there that you haven’t worn in years and will never wear. “I’ve got to clean out my closet,” you say on an almost-daily basis. And say you’ve been talking to a friend and mention your packed closet. She says, “Yeah, mine is a mess, too.”

Schedule a time when she can come to your house for half a day so that you can get your closet organized. And another time when you can go to her house. You’ll both get organized closets and feel great.

It turns out that working with a friend to get stuff done is a real thing, and has been in practice for years to help those with ADHD focus and stay motivated. Folks now call this Body Doubling, and according to Michael Manos, PhD., a behavioral health specialist at the Cleveland Clinic, “Essentially it’s external executive functioning, like having an administrative assistant follow you around all day.”

Mom was a body double

Remember when you did your homework at the kitchen table while your mom made dinner? That, in essence, was a form of body doubling. Mom may not have been actively helping you, but her presence provided focus and helped keep you on track.

So, enlist a friend to help you get stuff done. You can do each other a good turn. Closets will get clean and organized, and then you can treat each other to lunch. If your closet is in good shape, but you have other things that are bugging you and you want done, see if a friend can sit with you on a Zoom call for an hour. They might have stuff they want to get done as well. Body doubling doesn’t have to be in-person.

This works for exercise, too. If, like me, you don’t want to go to a gym, but can’t muster the fortitude to lace up your sneakers on your own, see if a friend wants to work out virtually with you. Or, hire a personal trainer online. They’ll make sure you get your workout done.

No matter what it is, you can get it done – with a friend.

Stack your wins

Every time you show up for something important, it’s a win. And when you stack your wins, you can’t help but show up again and again. That’s better than external motivation, because it feeds your soul. When you can nudge that pointer a little more to where you want it to be – whether it’s your scale, your bank account, your sense of purpose – you keep on doing, and you keep on succeeding.

Let’s say you want to lose 10 pounds by the end of the year. It’s the beginning (sort of) of October, so that’s totally doable. Every day that you meet your dietary goals, that you eat enough protein and short the carbs is a win. Every day that you eat the vegetables, especially those dark leafy ones, that your body needs to feel full, is a win. And every day that you don’t eat a second piece of chocolate is a win.

And when you track what you eat every day, you’ll know when you win. The FO50 Fitness Journal and Tracker has a dedicated page for writing down what you eat every day. There are also little water droplets you can fill in so you can track your hydration, which is also crucial for your health.

Of course, every day you exercise and move your body is also a win. You know that your diet is most important, but following a close second is exercise for your healthy aging.

When you show up every day to the fitness party and track your nutrition and exercise, every day is a gold medal performance.

To top that, track your outlook. When you’re feeling optimistic, you’re more likely to go outside yourself and not devolve into negativity. You’ll start thinking about others, your gratitude for them, and things you can do to help them.

Every day that you take a step toward your goal is a win. Stack your wins, and you’ll be unbeatable.

Every workout counts

Something to remember as you procrastinate, as we all do: every workout counts. When you lace up your sneakers, or hit the mat or the pool, you’re doing yourself a huge service. It means that you love yourself. You care about yourself. And you want to have the very best future possible.

Switch your schedule and move your body

When you’re not feeling it, when you just don’t have it in you to do the workout you had planned, that’s okay – do a different one. Or take a walk. Put on your favorite playlist and dance. You’re moving your body and that’s a start. You can switch your schedule and do your strength workout tomorrow. Every workout counts. If you don’t feel like doing a particular workout, chances are you wouldn’t give it the focus it – and you – deserve.

I was disgusting

I have to tell you that I skipped yesterday’s planned workout. I caught a cold, and while I knew that I’ll be fine, the mat work just was not going to be good yesterday. It was the sneezing, drippy, messy, totally disgusting day of the cold. And while the experts all say that if a cold is just in your head, you’re fine to exercise, I did not want to drip all over myself and my mat. So I rested. And today I feel better, so I did my scheduled workout.

Your resilience shows

When you exercise regularly, especially as you get older, your body gets used to moving. It enables you to do the things you want to do. And when you switch up your workouts for your healthy aging, your body adapts to the different requirements you place on it. You’re resilient – you know that your body is strong and you can withstand the trials and tribulations you’re sure to face.

So, do yourself a favor and make sure that every workout counts.

That virtuous feeling

When you really don’t want to do something that you know you should, it weighs on you. Like cleaning out that junk drawer or your closet. Or exercising. Nothing earth-shattering, just something that’s on your list for today but you really don’t want to do it. I can waste lots of time doing things other than the thing I’m supposed to do, until there’s no more time. Did you ever feel that way? And then I feel guilty the rest of the day. But when I do that thing, afterwards I get that virtuous feeling.

You know, that “I did it! I exercised. And I’ll bet you didn’t!” kind of feeling. And that deserves a celebration. One of those mini-rewards I’ve talked about that keeps you doing the things you should be doing.

I know – if it’s stuff we should be doing anyway, why reward it?

A little push

Knowing that a celebration is coming can give us the little push we need to start. I’ve talked about this before, but knowing that I get to listen to an exciting audiobook helps to get me on the treadmill. I am not a fan of running, but I don’t actively despise it like I used to. That’s mostly because of the audiobooks. It takes a while to finish a book, but listening to them keeps me coming back.

But why do we put off doing things

Most of us have a tendency to procrastinate doing things we should do. But why? Psychology Today has identified a few factors that lead to putting things off. A lack of motivation is one. I remain completely unmotivated to clean off my desk, despite numerous attempts at it. I just don’t feel the need. No one has to look at it but me. And as long as I can find the things I’m looking for, and don’t spill my water, I can’t see that it matters. If someone can persuade me otherwise, I’ll be happy to listen to them.

On the other hand, for people who are unmotivated to exercise, there are plenty of reasons for them to do so. But if they don’t see the benefits of exercise, nothing anyone can say will persuade them. It could be that they’ll need a bigger push to lace up their sneakers.

The rumination spiral

Another reason people put off doing things is that they’re caught in the rumination spiral. If they believe they need to lose weight but have been unsuccessful in the past, they’ll be stuck in that dark spiral of “I can’t stick with a diet.” “I had a piece of chocolate. I’m done.” If they’re caught in the web of negative thoughts, of course it’s awful, and the only way out is for that person to change things up.

One small change can make a big difference

It’s easy to say, of course, but very difficult to accomplish. But just one small change of thought can make a big difference. Smile at yourself in the mirror in the morning. You made it to your feet! It’s a good thing. And that can spark more changes. Just a little optimism can put a different spin on your day. Plus, it can boost your happiness and resilience.

Go ahead and do something positive. Something small. Throw out a scrap of paper I don’t need. Smile in the mirror. Take a walk. And you’ll get that virtuous feeling.

Take that first step

Take that first step. That’s the hard part. But it’s at the heart of every person’s journey to achieving big goals. It’s scary, taking the first step on the road to the unknown. Because even though you’ve thought about that big goal, wrote it down, thought some more, and wrote down the steps you believe can get you to that goal, you don’t really know for sure how the process will turn out. And taking that first step is like climbing a flight of stairs and then stepping off the top one into a void.

Still thinking about it

So, if you’re like a lot of people, you think about the goal some more and decide you want to refine some of the variables a little and think some more. And then, before you know it, weeks have passed. Because you’re still thinking and refining.

But this is the road to exactly nowhere. And that’s why a lot of people’s dreams are never realized. Because they never take that first step.

Achieve goals for happiness

If you’re like me, then, you refuse to sink into that cycle of nothingness. You need to achieve goals for your happiness. Work on something that makes you fulfilled for your healthy aging.

Here’s the step-by-step method that actually works to achieve any goal.

Decide on your specific goals

Decide on the goal. Write down all of the specifics you can think of. Picture it. If it’s a house, design every room. The outside, too. And the yards.

If your goal is a novel, decide on the storyline and the tone you want to take with it. Name the characters. Identify the location. Even design your main character’s home or office, or both.

If your goal is a vacation, decide on the location, what you want to do there, and what you need to be able to do the things you want to do. If you want to walk all over Rome, for example, make sure you have a couple pairs of super-comfortable walking shoes. And if you need to work on your endurance, add that to the plan.

Break it down and identify intermediate steps

Now that you’ve identified your goal, break it down. For our vacation example, there are a few intermediate steps – location, itinerary, and ability.

For each intermediate step, break it down further. What parts of Rome do you want to focus on? Do some research there. What museums, historic attractions and restaurants do you want to visit? Do you need to make reservations for anything now? (There are vacation planners online that can help you.)

And if you need to increase your endurance, how can you proceed to be in the best shape by the time your trip comes around? First, assess your current fitness level and compare that to what you need to tramp all around Rome. And figure out what it will take to get you to that level. Start walking 1500 yards today, 2000 tomorrow, maybe a mile by next week. If you have a smart phone, there are apps that can count your steps if you put it in your pocket. If you like the walking shoes you’re wearing now, perhaps buy a couple more pair and break them in before your trip.

Take that first step

Now, you’ve identified the progression. You’ve achieved the mindset to make your dream happen. You know what to do. And you know what that first step is. It’s no longer so scary. So, go ahead and take it.

Get ready for the dark months with the Great Lock In

One of the latest fads on TikTok these days is the Winter Arc or Great Lock-in. You’re thinking, “Didn’t we do that last year?” Because we did the Winter Arc challenge last year. But this year, it’s a different way to get ready for the dark months of winter. The Winter Arc was all about focusing on the mental and physical side of your health and well-being. The goal was to become calm and really dialed into exactly what was needed for that.

A different way to get ready for the dark months

This year, there’s a fresh approach. The Great Lock-in, embraced by Gen Z (born between around 1997 to 2012), but is actually good for everyone, is about getting yourself ready to achieve those big goals you have for yourself by the end of this year.

The viral TikTok post from @kadieglenn centers around self-trust. Because you’re not going to be able to achieve the big things you want if you can’t trust yourself to actually get there. You’ll recognize her points, but she’s finding a new audience with her post. So, be true to yourself and let’s get ready for the dark months of winter when we’ll crush our big goals.

Start small

Kadie Glenn, a London-based influencer, says to first start small so that consistency is easy. I’ve recommended that you break all your goals into little pieces so you’re not looking at that big, overwhelming one. Glenn gives the example of not saying you’re going to hit the gym five days a week when you havn’t been there all year. Start with two days. And if you’re successful with that, then you can scale up to more.

Track your wins – doing it is a win

Next, track your wins. Glenn says one way is to use a habit tracker so you show “proof of progress.” Progress is a definite win. When my arms were shaking, practicing the Balance Plank, before my face hit the mat, I was counting the seconds. From one to three, then five and ultimately ten seconds. Those incremental seconds were wins for me.

Once is okay, but twice?

Third, Glenn’s rule of “Never Miss Twice.” Sure, things happen. You can go off the wagon for one day. Eat the pizza. Miss a workout. But not two days. This gives you permission to take a mental health day. There have been days when I just couldn’t face that treadmill. I’m human. And even though I committed to my treadmill two days a week, there have been times when I just couldn’t. If you miss a day, it had been all too easy to give in to the shame and self-disparagement. You say, “I’ll never get it. I’ll never be able to resist the cheesecake.” But the “Never Miss Twice” rule acknowledges that we’re only human and have flaws. Get right back on the wagon and continue. There will be bumps in the road. Acknowledge them and move on.

Drop what doesn’t serve

And finally, “Create fiction and flow.” Create friction with those bad habits. Drop the habits that no longer serve you. If you need to delete apps off your phone, do it. If you need to delete so-called friends from your social media feed, do it. And the same for real people. This is more difficult, but probably more necessary. Drop those toxic influences from your life. Eliminate the annoyances where you can. Acquire a problem-solving mindset.

Here’s a personal example. You know that my sister and I live together. Sometimes she washes her hair in my bathroom – no big deal. The sink is nice and deep and has a goose-neck faucet. I used to keep a cup near the hot water lever. It wasn’t in the way, but my sister insisted on moving it every time. The problem was that she moved it to a spot where I consistently knocked it to the floor. It’s a small thing, but it annoyed me. So now I keep my cup in a spot that’s out of the way, not on the sink. Problem solved.

Create flow with systems

And at the same time, create the flow you need to become the person you want to be. Glenn gives the example of being frustrated every morning, rushing to find your gym clothes. So, make going to the gym easy by setting your clothes out, including shoes, the night before. That works for career dressing, too. Or creating a task list for the next day in the late afternoon, when you know what’s not going to get done today.

Glenn’s post ended with a saying that makes perfect sense. “We do not rise to the level of our goals, we fall to the level of our systems.” So if we create systems that work to advance us toward achieving our goals, we’re bound to be successful. Let’s get ready for the dark months so that we crush those big goals at the start of the new year.

Introverts fail at this

We’ve seen lots of discussions lately about emotional intelligence. But many introverts fail at this. I’m an introvert. I’d much rather send an email than talk to someone. I’m writing this the day after Labor Day – and yesterday was absolutely fantastic. I spent most of the day with my dogs just relaxing. I read a good book for hours. No contact with the outside world. And it was great. So today (and most days, actually) I’m a little on edge because I do have to interact with other people. Most people’s worlds depend on successful interactions with others. And many introverts fail at this.

Imperative for success?

Many experts believe that emotional intelligence is imperative for success – for getting ahead, and even being happy. But introverts have a hard time with at least one, probably more, of the key skills that emotional intelligence requires.

We hear the term “emotional intelligence” being kicked around a lot lately, but what does it entail?

The keys to emotional intelligence

Self-awareness – this means that we are able to recognize our own emotions, choices and actions and how they may affect others. Introverts usually don’t have a problem with self-awareness. If anything, we’re too self-aware.

Self-regulation – the “ability to process and express emotions constructively, adapt to changes flexibly, and manage conflict effectively,” according to Psychologist Daniel Goleman. Sometimes I do have a problem expressing my emotions clearly and in a way that others understand without having to take action.

But here’s the big one – social skills. Goleman defines this as being an active listener and a strong communicator who can form “high-trust relationships.” This an introvert does with only a very few people. It takes a lot for us to really trust others.

Empathy and motivation are the last two emotional intelligence skills that Goleman identifies. Again, we don’t have a problem understanding and feeling for others. We can usually respond to others’ emotions in a careful and caring way. And we introverts can have a highly developed drive to seek out learning experiences and get things done.

How does this impact introverts?

So how does the lack of social skills impact us introverts? By not forming those “high-trust relationships” with others, we risk not having the camaraderie of others. Successful teams form relationships seemingly forever. And having those relationships adds a richness and fulfillment to life. Different people can add different perspectives to our own lives. They’ll bring up ideas that we may never have. Others have different backgrounds that can only add color and variety to our own lives. So, as much as it’s difficult, we introverts have to push and open ourselves to others for our own health and resilience.