Make your motivation more clear

I’ve said that in order to achieve your goals, you have to set goals. Many of us are frozen in that limbo of knowing that you want something … more … but not knowing exactly what it is you want. You’re unhappy with your current situation and want to change it but have no clear picture of what you’d like your situation to actually be. You just know that you want … more. That’s a problem if you really want to change your reality. My suggestion, which I’ve done multiple times over the years when I decided I wanted more – make your motivation more clear. Set aside some time – 15 minutes to a half hour – and get a pad of paper and a pen. And start thinking.

Start big, then work your way down

Think about your life – where it is now: your family, friends, work, home. Then think about how you feel about these aspects of your life. Figure out what makes you most unhappy. What about it makes you unhappy? Can you change that thing right away? If you can’t change that thing right away, how can you start doing small things to create something that makes you happy? 

Think about “What if…”

Many of us flounder with our motivations. We think, “I’d really like to …” But that’s not enough. A statement that flimsy is not enough to keep us on the straight and narrow to getting anything done. We state affirmations like, “I am strong enough to succeed,” but that doesn’t really motivate us to do anything.  Emotional healing coach Karena Neukirchner believes that affirmations like that “end up becoming a manifestation of toxic positivity.” We’re forcing these happy feelings to the forefront but our negative emotions are unchanged in our subconscious. And that negativity can intensify if it’s not addressed. But Neukirchner has a simple tweak to help us. Turn those affirmations into “iffirmations.” Consider “What if.” Just adding those simple words can help make your motivation more clear. When your motivation is clear, the path to happiness and resilience is more clear. 

My “iffirmation”

I had been dissatisfied with my writing. So many ideas for articles, essays, books, novellas, but I haven’t been writing. I never seemed to have the time or mindset to look at that white Google Docs screen. So, I changed “I will be a successful writer” to “What if I became successful at writing.” And I thought about how to make that happen. I like my days, full as they are, and don’t see my schedule changing any time soon. But what if I woke up a little earlier? Before my busy day started. I could write then! My new writing protocol started about a month ago and I finished my first novella (it’s being edited now!). I started the second and am reasonably happy with its progress. 

The biggest difference has been in my mindset. Since I’ve been writing more consistently, I feel like I’m more creative, and I’m happier. So, when you make your motivation more clear, things start to happen.

When part of your brain says, “Go!” and the other part, “No!”

Running is unfailingly hard for me. Every day that I step on the treadmill, it’s hard. It’s a struggle to increase that speed when all I want to do is lie down and take a nap. What do you do when part of your brain says, “Go!” and the other part says, “No?” How do you maintain your motivation to do something hard?

Why run at all?

If it’s so hard, you might ask, why do I want to run at all? I’ve mentioned my dogs lots of times here. They’re my workout and life buddies. My companions who never tell me I can’t do anything. My dogs are with me as I work, and often as I play. I train my dogs for fun and for competition. I write about the journeys I’ve had with my dogs, in life in general and on the road. The hard times and the fun times as I wrote about in Tango: Transforming My Hellhound.

I enjoy the competition training, and there’s nothing more fulfilling than running straight out on an Agility course with my dog. When he’s off-lead. I know that I’ll never be as fast as my dog – no human can match the speed of a canine – but I can be where I need to be, to give him the cues he needs to know where to go. And for that I need to run. Fast. That’s my motivation to get on the treadmill. So I run at home on my treadmill a couple of times a week. And it’s hard, every time. And yet, I still aim to increase the speed without decreasing the incline.

Why do something so hard, then?

So, why not decrease the speed or the incline, or both? In my mind, that would be cheating. Speaker, author and coach Curt Rosengren says, “The more you challenge yourself and succeed, the greater your confidence in your ability to do it again next time. Challenge doesn’t just help you grow your skills and knowledge, it helps you grow your belief that you can.” Small gains everyday help me stay on the treadmill. Another 10 seconds at a tenth of a mile faster is a win for me. Or an extra 30 seconds at a half percent higher incline is good. Small steps make the big goal more approachable. That kind of optimism will grow your resilience, and it’s good for your healthy aging.

Make hard stuff a habit

If you do things at a specific time on specific days for several weeks, they become a habit. When things become habit, you don’t even have to think about doing them, you just do. So, if you do something hard just as a matter of course, it will stop being hard. And then you’ll have to find some other hard thing to do.

Exercise is not selfish

You may think that you’re being selfish when you exercise. After all, you’re the one who’s gleaning the benefits of all that sweat! You’re the one who’s burning calories, strengthening muscles and improving your bone density. You’re the one who’s sleeping better at night and remembering everything. But, think again. Exercise is not selfish.

If I didn’t exercise, I’d be dead

Exercise is not selfish

I’ve said before that exercise makes me a nicer person. If I didn’t exercise, my sister would probably have killed me by now. And no one would convict her in a court of law.

The endorphins produced during a great workout make you feel more optimistic and happier in that moment. And those endorphins can help to ease depression, with some physicians even prescribing exercise as an alternative to medication for some patients. I know that after I exercise I feel better. The powerful feeling lasts well beyond my workout, too. 

Exercise to be an example

Here’s another reason to exercise – Adrienne Bailon-Houghton, singer and entertainment magazine co-host, has recently refreshed her fitness goals. She turned 40 and wants to be an example to others, especially her son. She said, “”I think there’s something so empowering about having a son and turning 40 this year and just wanting to be a great example to him of what health and fitness looks like.” Bailon-Houghton has had health issues for most of her life, and having a son has given her a new reason to stay fit, and aware of all that means. Exercise is not selfish, and Bailon-Houghton is exercising to be a role model.

Exercise to be a role model

It’s not about the numbers. I was surprised a couple of weeks ago at my annual wellness visit that I had lost a couple of pounds. I never weigh myself at home, so I had no idea what my weight was. Feeling great and being healthy are my fitness goals. Many women my age are grandmothers, and even great-grandmothers. I like to think that it’s people like me – and you! – who reject the stereotypes of “little old ladies” who can be role models for younger generations. We can be strong and independent, and look at healthy aging as just part of everyday living. We eat right (most of the time) and exercise regularly just as part of our daily routine. Remember that exercise is not selfish – it’s good for everyone!

Exercise outside – but don’t kill yourself

Increase your balance in just a couple of minutes a day

Our doctors tell us to go outside and get some fresh air. (But be sure to slather on the sunscreen and insect repellent.) The experts tell us that being outside also helps our optimism and resilience. And, let’s face it, a deep breath outside is a whole lot different than one inside. But there are a million things that need doing, including getting our exercise in to satisfy the CDC recommendations. How do we fit it all in: meeting our goal of exercising for the recommended time, being outside, and getting everything else done? How can we effectively exercise outside, stay safe, and be kind to ourselves?

“Soft Hiking”

Two young women in the UK have introduced the notion of “soft hiking.” They’re outdoors in the natural environment, enjoying the scenery, and being active all at the same time. They exercise outside and document it on social media so others can join in their fun. They encourage others to explore their area of the world and be active in the outdoors. The notion of “soft hiking” makes exercise outside less intimidating, intense and frightening. Go at your own pace. Go off-trail to examine a unique tree or look at a historic plaque. Reconnect with nature. Be able to breathe deeply in the fresh air. And exercise outside without killing yourself.

Lower the intensity

The notion of “soft hiking” goes along with a movement I’ve seen lately to lower the intensity of pretty much everything, including exercise. Emotions have been so intense the last few years that we’re seeing a rebellion. So, let’s go along with that. Ramp the exercise intensity down, too. Even Michelle Obama has eased off on her exercise intensity. Lowering the intensity doesn’t mean that the exercise is less effective, though. It just means that we’re exercising smarter. 

Know your body

The key is to know what your body can do. High intensity exercise for you may not be as high for someone else. I always say that the way to grow is to challenge ourselves. That doesn’t mean that we have to push to the point of passing out. The key is to be kind to yourself. If the notion of “soft hiking” intrigues you, lace up your sneakers, grab your water bottle, and go find a trail nearby. Examine interesting plant life (but don’t touch it unless you know it won’t give you a rash). Read historic plaques. Find a new route to wander. Go exercise outside.

OK, exercise! Boost my mood!

By exercising, I'll boost my mood!

I’ve written before about the many benefits of exercise, including brain health benefits. One of the main reasons that I exercise is to boost my mood. I have a tendency to be a gloomy person. If there’s a dark side to a situation, I’ll find it. Likewise, I hardly ever expect things to go well – any things. It’s always a pleasant surprise when things go right, or the way they’re supposed to. I exercise to counter my natural inclination.

I’m a natural pessimist

Here’s one example. I recently received a notice from the IRS that my business had filed its tax return late and was being assessed a hefty penalty. Of course, the return was not filed late and I had documents to prove it. But I did not expect to be able to reverse the penalty. I called to speak to an agent, of course and had to wait an hour for the call back. I was on tenterhooks the whole time I was waiting. Distracting myself with menial tasks helped somewhat, but I was still sweating when my phone rang.

Even though I did not expect a good outcome, I was pleasant to the agent and figured out how to fax (yes, FAX! – who has a fax machine these days?) copies of the documentation to her while I was on the phone. To my complete surprise, she agreed that the penalty should not have been assessed and removed it. Talk about things going right! 

But in the normal course of things, I expect that clients will cancel their appointments. And that their checks will bounce. That hasn’t happened yet, thank goodness.

My mood remains upbeat – exercise does that!

My mood, though, remains upbeat. Even when I expect things to go wrong, I try to have a smile on my face. And I attribute my ability to maintain a positive attitude to exercise. The Cleveland Clinic has shown that exercise causes elevated levels of endorphins, those hormones that improve your sense of well-being to be released in your body when it’s under stress.

A lower rate of depression and anxiety is attributed to exercise. Also, in the long term, people who exercise tend to have more low-key responses to stressful events. I’m firmly convinced that exercise helps keep me in a happier state and, therefore, more resilient. 

Exercise helps reduce depression

Another study showed that being active can help with depression specifically. The effects of a combined meditation and exercise routine were studied as the program related to depression: Twice a week, people with severe depression took part in 30 minutes of meditation and 30 minutes of moderate-intensity aerobic exercise over the course of eight weeks.

The result? Improved mood and decreased depression. (They tried this same method on patients who weren’t depressed, and they felt better, too.) Notably, the participants experienced neurogenesis (growth of new brain cells) — something that’s typically inhibited when someone has depression. Specifically, the growth of new neural cells in the hippocampus (the part of the brain responsible for learning, memory, and mood) plays an integral part in how your mind fights depression and controls mood — and aerobic exercise can greatly increase the number of cells produced there.

So, I’ll keep on exercising. It will boost my mood and my family will like having me around more.

I changed the time I run – What happened?

Changing the time I ran really made a difference.

I’ve written before that no matter what time of day you exercise, you’ll still get benefits. The important thing is that you exercise! And that’s true. My preference is to exercise early in the day because I feel so energized afterward. I’ve had to adjust to working out in the late afternoon, after work, though. But I had to switch my schedule last week on a running day to go into work later. I thought it would be interesting to see the effect of changing the time I ran. I usually run twice a week on the treadmill, because I think running outside is even worse than running on the treadmill. The only thing that makes running even tolerable is listening to a fast-moving action novel. No self-help or memoir for the treadmill. If I’m engrossed in the story, then I’m not ticking away the seconds on the treadmill timer.

Why run if it’s so hard?

Why do I run at all if it’s so hard for me? I like to play sports with my dogs – and running agility is just that – running. So I run for endurance and to try to be in the right place to give my dog the cues he needs.

Changing the time I ran made a big difference

My afternoon runs had been getting steadily faster and the intervals longer. The total time remained the same, but in those 20 minutes, the time I took to slow down between fast intervals was less. What a shocker, then, when I ran in the morning last Thursday! Changing the time I ran made a big difference in how I felt. 

Running early was so much harder than I thought it would be. My legs felt like lead pipes. My lungs were burning inside of 5 minutes. I couldn’t go as fast as I could just a few days before. The incline was excruciating. So I backed off. I ran more slowly. I shortened the fast interval. I decreased the incline. And I made arrangements to run early every Thursday, because the higher levels of Agility are run early in the day. If I’m going to be able to compete, I have to be able to run early. So I’ll train for it. I’m changing the time I run to get ready for competition.

Time of day actually does matter

As it turns out, though, the time of day does seem to matter in the actual results you might see. A recent study by researchers at Skidmore College showed that women who exercised in the morning had greater fat loss. Women who trained later in the evening gained more upper body strength and power. There was little difference in performance improvement in men.

All exercise will give you benefits for our healthy aging such as heart health, better sleep and improvements in your mood. But if you ladies want to lose more fat, try working out early!

I needed to release frustration

Pissed off! I got an unwelcome piece of mail a couple of days ago and was totally steamed by it. My company received a notice from the IRS about a penalty charged for late filing of a return. I knew that the return was filed on time, so I was angry. That turned into an overall bad mood. I knew that I needed to calm down to deal with this (in a day or two) because I had to give my 14-year-old dog a bath that day. I had to be calm and gentle with my dog. Not rip his legs off as I felt like in the moment. What’s the solution? A really intense workout to help release frustration and anger.

Kick boxing to the rescue

I chose a short (because I had things to do, obviously) but intense kick boxing program. Pump up the heart rate, get the sweat going and release the frustration.

The workout started with a warmup to let my muscles know they were going to have to do some work. And then eased into punches and kicks..

Mission accomplished

When that half hour was done, I was a sweaty mess, but I achieved my goal to workout to release the frustration. My mood was very much improved and I was able to give Tango a nice calming bath.

How does that work?

Side kick in a Turbo Jam workout

You’ve heard the phrase, “runner’s high?” Same thing works with other exercise that targets the cardiovascular system. Raise your heart rate for a sustained period of time, and your body releases endorphins. Those endorphins attach to your opioid receptors, causing a boost to your mood

So, my immediate mission was accomplished – I wouldn’t kill Tango during his bath – but I also did other good things for myself. I’ve written that exercise not only improves your mood but also has other benefits for our healthy aging: it improves memory, helps you sleep better, and improves optimism and resilience. Not only does a great workout release frustration and anger immediately, but it has other longer-lasting benefits.

All’s well

I dealt with the IRS and the agent I spoke with removed the penalty. I bathed my dog. And I was able to release frustration and anger. A good day.

No. It depends. A while. Answers to goal-specific fitness questions.

When will I see Exercise Results?

When do you see exercise results? It depends... And everyone is different.

“I have a wedding in June. Will I be skinny by then?” “How long ‘til I fit into Size 6 jeans?” “When will I see a six-pack?” Were you laughing when you read those questions? Me too. And yet, deep down, I kind of wondered when I’d see exercise results all those years ago when I lost weight. By now, you know that “No,” “It depends,” and “A while” are the answers. It turns out that “It depends” is the answer to quite a few goal-specific fitness questions. 

Goals are key

Having specific goals, committing to a program and sticking with that program is the sure path to success in reaching a fitness goal. For example, if you want to lose 5 pounds in a month, experts agree that it’s totally doable. Reduce the number of calories you consume (a food journal helps with this), increase calories burned (an exercise program will help here), make sure you’re hydrated, get enough sleep, and reduce stress. That’s the formula. Of course, it’s never so cut and dry. 

Our emotions get in the way. We eat because of stress. And we eat when we’re happy. When it comes to exercise – there’s never a good time to do it. Or we just don’t feel like it. So, having real, achievable, specific goals is the key to keeping on track.

Everyone’s different

We’re human. And as humans, our bodies react differently to the food we eat and exercises we do. Exercise results are different for everybody. My body reacts differently than yours. Your body may not retain water the way mine does – be grateful. Or your muscles may respond more quickly to exercise than mine. Everyone’s different. So – it depends when you’ll see those results you want.

A real time frame … wait for it

But, there is sort of a time frame on when you can expect to see some results from your hard work. “When performed appropriately, exercise can lead to physiological changes in about eight to 12 weeks for most people,” Chris Gagliardi, MS (an ACE-certified personal trainer) says. “This does not mean that everyone will respond to exercise in the same way. Some people may see and feel results in less than eight to 12 weeks, and for others, it may take more time.” 

Don’t exercise for the outward results

It’s such a long time to see any results, that it’s important not to focus on these physiological changes. Remember all the other benefits that come from exercise. Remember that even Khloe Kardashian exercises for the invisible benefits! If I have to wait 2 to 3 months to see any results, there had better be other benefits to this whole healthy living thing! 

The biggest reason for me to exercise is the brain boost I get, and how much better I feel emotionally afterward.

Get up – get going – get it done

Get it done – no matter what it is

Get it done!

If you like to get stuff that  you don’t especially enjoy doing out of the way early, like I do, then this is for you! The great Mark Twain is credited with saying, “Eat a live frog first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day.” And if you think about it, that’s probably true. And productivity expert Brian Tracy has expanded on Twain’s saying in his book, Eat That Frog. When I can, I try to abide by that precept – get up, get going, get it done. That way I have more time to do what I really want to do later on.

If you don’t like to exercise, you probably won’t do it

If you hate to exercise – I’ve said it before – you’re not going to do it. But if you find an exercise program that you don’t mind, and you like the music, the choreography, and the instructor, then you’re more likely to do it. If you have that program queued up, then you don’t have to waste time looking for it and you can just jump in. And if you don’t have anything else scheduled, you can exercise early and get it done. My favorite time to exercise is early – what a great feeling to get it done.

Taking action early = fulfillment

This maxim can translate to other areas of your life too. When you see yourself as someone who takes action, and takes it early on, there’s a real sense of fulfillment. It’s not enough to see yourself in a certain way, though, you have to take the steps to get it done. 

Perfectionist? Let it go

That could mean easing up on your perfectionist leanings. I know – you like things to be “just so.” But if you keep tweaking a project, it will never be finished. And done is almost always better than perfect. Naturally, check for typos and other obvious errors, but as a chilly heroine would say, let the rest go.

Other productivity professionals say, “Be dumber and care less.” I change that to “grow a thicker skin.” Of course we care about our work. Sometimes that shows up as, “perhaps I should tweak this sentence so people won’t think ‘X’ about me.” My rule has been to not overtly offend anyone, but if I have something important to say, then say it. You can be a genius, use all the high-falutin’ vocabulary, and finish a project in 3 weeks. Or you can just say something plainly and get it done. And once that thing is done, you’ll get a sense of accomplishment! It’s done! Finished! And I did it! So happy! What a boost to your optimism and resilience.

How to get it all done

Sounds good, right? But how to get it done efficiently? First, identify the project. Next, identify the steps you need to take. Third, flesh out those steps. And finally, get up and get going.

Enjoy everything in moderation – even wine

Surprising place for provoking thought

Reading about healthy aging at a tire store!
Health reading at a tire store

I had to get new tires for my car this week. It would take an hour but I was prepared with a book. There was an array of Wine Spectator magazines on the table in the waiting room. Surprising magazine choice at a tire store! I picked up the top copy and started to leaf through it. There was an article about wine and its health benefits, so I started reading. Going right along with what I’ve been saying for years, it turns out that enjoying wine in moderation is not detrimental and can actually provide some benefits. Enjoy everything in moderation – even wine.

But wait – the WHO says no alcohol

The World Health Organization decreed at the beginning of 2023 that no amount of alcohol consumption is safe. The paper cites previous studies in which alcohol was considered a cancer-causing agent. There was no study linking specific amounts of alcohol to cancer, however, merely the potential cancer-causing risk of alcohol consumption. It could be that the WHO considers that it may be all too easy for moderate consumption to become excessive consumption.

Some studies have shown benefits

But a recent study determined that moderate drinkers live as long as people who never drink. So, why not enjoy! And the Mayo Clinic has observed that the polyphenols in red wine may help protect the lining of the blood vessels in the heart. This could be the reason that red wine has been touted for its heart-healthy benefits.

The flavanols in wine have also been implicated in reducing cognitive decline and a reduced risk of stroke in moderate drinkers – which we all want for our healthy aging. Yes, the flavanols can also be found in other foods, but why not enjoy the wine? 

Enjoying with friends has other benefits

Wine, enjoyed with friends, has benefits beside the physical ones.
Wine, enjoyed with friends, has benefits beside the physical ones.

Another point to consider is that we often enjoy wine in the company of friends and family. Getting together in a social group is not just fun – fun planning and reconnecting with friends – but it also increases our resilience and optimism. Why not have a wine tasting at your next get-together. Tasting wine critically with friends will combine all of the benefits of good wine, good food and good friends.

Enjoy everything … in moderation – has been my motto for years. I never deny myself anything I really want. Chocolate cake? Pizza? You bet. I plan for it and that could make the enjoyment even greater. A new purse? New shoes? If I see something I really want, then I figure out a way to make it happen. I don’t splurge, but I enjoy.

So – enjoy everything. Even wine – in moderation.