Thanksgiving is always an important holiday in our house. It’s the day of cooking, more cooking, enjoying our cooking and clean-up. My sister and I usually roast a smallish turkey, make dressing (we call it stuffing), make cranberry relish (we call it sauce), and enjoy a salad with our meal. Or we make brussels sprouts – they were outrageously expensive this year, but I splurged and bought a pound. We don’t usually express our gratitude for everything out loud, but know that it’s there, every day, our gratitude is in everything we do.
This year it’s a little different. My dog of 16-plus years, Tango, is gone. He told us it was time a couple of weeks ago. Because he was old doesn’t make it easier. You know. Tango was my project dog, and then my team member, doing all kinds of dog sports. We went on road trips together and had a ball. And, after his retirement, Tango was my companion dog. I still start to make his meals before the other dogs’. I look for him, watching that I don’t step on him walking through the house. He wasn’t a lap dog, but he had to be where I was. So, it’s different. I miss him.
The experts say that the stress of losing a loved pet can deplete your energy and emotional reserves. And that you should look after yourself. Let yourself grieve – and that takes its own path for everyone who experiences it. Continue your usual routines, especially if you have other pets. I’m doing that. The other dogs haven’t really looked for Tango. But perhaps they’re missing him in their own way.
By maintaining the usual routines, we’re making sure that our life goes on. Yes, I miss my dog. But I’m still functioning – after a fashion. It will get easier, I’m sure, as I do the normal things every day. And I’ll feel resilient again, having gone through something hard and survived.
This Thanksgiving, I’m grateful for having known Tango. He taught me more about dog training and psychology of dogs – and people than any course could have. I became a good trainer and learned how to be a good teacher. I’m grateful for everything he taught me. And I’m grateful that I was able to share Tango and our journey.
Artificial intelligence (AI) is everywhere, all the time. And it definitely has its uses. It can spark thoughts and ideas, schedule meetings, even write things for you. But take AI’s contributions with multiple grains of salt. AI is great – to a point. I even had input from AI to illustrate my children’s book. Be aware, though, that AI has limitations. At the bottom of AI generation screens, there’s even a statement telling the user to, basically, beware. AI has been known to make mistakes even when the output seems like fact.
But I wondered if AI could design a workout plan. Personal trainer Cori Ritchey wondered the same thing for himself and wrote in Men’s Health how the plan it came up with worked. He entered some basic information about himself, his experience, and his goals. And the bot came back with an extensive month-long workout plan. Ritchey followed it, complimenting the bot on some things as well as noting where it was deficient.
Ritchey’s conclusion was that if the user was a trainer themselves, and understood how exercises work together, a workout plan developed by AI could work. But he also warned that the user must know their own body. I know that I can’t do a lot of shoulder work due to dislocations years ago. (Yes, ouch.) So, if a workout plan recommends shoulder work, I’d have to modify it to suit my body. And AI may not correlate workout time and the effort needed. If you tell the bot that you only have 15 minutes, it may suggest something ridiculously difficult.
He also warned that an AI-generated workout plan is not a great motivator. If you can self-motivate, then you might be able to follow through on a month-long plan successfully. But, if you’re more tempted by the living room couch or the latest trend streaming online, you’d probably do better with something else.
I’ve talked about ways to start an exercise program, and if you decide walking or dancing as a great way to move your body, AI can probably suggest a great playlist.
Alternatively, there are now AI-supported applications that act as personal trainers. I admit, I didn’t check the cost, but found it interesting that they exist now. In fact, I just read about one personal trainer AI app that was actually built on AI. Its creator became a certified trainer to ensure authenticity and insert some of the human motivational element. But, as always, caveat emptor. Remember that AI is great – to a point. And also remember that AI is the first to admit that it can make mistakes.
Have you been seeing ads and posts about Black Friday the last few days? Isn’t it a little early? There are still 2 weeks until Thanksgiving here in the U.S., for Pete’s sake! There’s no need to panic – yet. Let’s take a breath and think about the current push. Retailers are seeing that no one is spending anything now. People are clutching their wallets to them and are reluctant to part with their hard-earned cash. Those retailers want to be top-of-mind when people start laying out the holiday moolah. And all the influencers want their recommendations to be what followers think of, so that they can earn their affiliate bucks.
Think about what’s worthwhile
Similarly, there’s pressure to start working – and make significant progress – on your New Year’s goals. I’ve started talking about that lately, so I guess I’m guilty of pushing too. But I want you to start thinking about – not rushing into – what you might find worthwhile in the next few months. But there’s no need to panic and rush into anything you’ll regret later.
List everything
The first step, as we talked about last week, is to set down everything you’ve been thinking of. Everything you want in the next year, or quarter, or month, or week. Prioritize them. And then break them down and put them on your calendar. You’ll be a step ahead, and not have to worry about fitting everything into your schedule. And that will give you peace of mind, boost your confidence, and increase your resilience. If you can master your wish list, you can tackle anything.
This means all the things from every aspect of your life. Fitness, definitely – if you think you could be eating a more nutritious diet and cut out some supplements, do your research. If you think you could be getting stronger or gain more endurance, figure out the kind of movement you like to do the most. Think about your relationships with friends and family. Is there work to be done there? And how about your home – are you happy there? If something strikes you as important, even just a little, add it to the list. Now’s the time to include everything. You can week out the unimportant stuff later.
Set priorities
Even celebrities like Megan Thee Stallion takes the time to set her priorities. “Right now, I’m just focused on staying disciplined in the gym, continuing to eat healthy, spending time with my loved ones, working on new music, and setting time for myself to reset and recharge.”
While we’re talking about the future, there’s no reason to abandon your current goals. If your goals still serve you, if you’re almost to the finish line, or even partway there, keep going. Incorporate them into your future thoughts too. And don’t forget to make regular contributions to your Amazing Box! You’re still doing great things.
Now is not the time to panic. But it is time to think.
A while back I wrote about the Great Lock-in. There are just a couple months left of the year, and this would be the time to get ready to take down all comers in the New Year. Make sure you slay those dragons in the first quarter and achieve your goals in a flash. But that might seem too harsh and restrictive. Many folks are trying a different TikTok challenge – the 75 Grow. There aren’t quite 75 days left this year, but that shouldn’t dissuade you from trying this. The goal here is to move, do something you’d ordinarily avoid, and be creative every day. Basically, to grow three habits before the end of the year.
So before you say that this is dumb, let’s take a closer look at what happens when you grow 3 healthy habits before next year.
Movement
This part you’re probably already on board with. I’ve written about the importance of exercise, and if you exercise three or four days a week, you’re probably not sitting around all day on the other days. Even a brief walk counts to grow this habit.
Do something brave
Doing something you’d prefer to avoid every day counts as being brave, in my mind. I was brave last week and called a new dentist’s office (the dentist I’d been seeing for many years retired this last summer). I could have put it off for a few more weeks, but I knew the tooth that was giving me problems would not get better on its own. And the day after I visited my new dentist I was brave again and showed up for the No Kings rally in a neighboring town. Being brave like this increases our optimism – I was proud of myself even for making that phone call. And it also increases our resilience. We’re able to face challenges and meet them head on.
Be creative
This is the fun part of the challenge for me. Increasing our creativity opens our mind to other new things. Even if it’s doing something you’re done before, this will open new passageways in your brain and, again, increase your optimism, happiness, and resilience.
If we grow 3 healthy habits before the end of the year, we’ll be moving more, we’ll be happier and more optimistic. We’ll also be able to meet more challenges and confront more obstacles without sending us into a declining spiral. And we’ll be healthier, having moved our bodies every day.
I believe in getting stuff done. If you want something, I say, figure out a way and get it done. Many times, though, it’s not so simple. Sometimes there are natural impediments to what you want. Other times the thing that you want is so nebulous you can’t clarify it in your own mind. And still other times, you get stuck doing other stuff or procrastinate doing that first thing. But here’s a thought, you can get it done – with a friend.
Friends give you a nudge
That’s right, enlist friends to give you that nudge to get stuff done. Here’s an example. Every time you open your closet, you cringe. It’s over-stuffed. Shoes are everywhere. You can’t hang another thing on the rack. And you know that there’s lots of stuff in there that you haven’t worn in years and will never wear. “I’ve got to clean out my closet,” you say on an almost-daily basis. And say you’ve been talking to a friend and mention your packed closet. She says, “Yeah, mine is a mess, too.”
Schedule a time when she can come to your house for half a day so that you can get your closet organized. And another time when you can go to her house. You’ll both get organized closets and feel great.
It turns out that working with a friend to get stuff done is a real thing, and has been in practice for years to help those with ADHD focus and stay motivated. Folks now call this Body Doubling, and according to Michael Manos, PhD., a behavioral health specialist at the Cleveland Clinic, “Essentially it’s external executive functioning, like having an administrative assistant follow you around all day.”
Mom was a body double
Remember when you did your homework at the kitchen table while your mom made dinner? That, in essence, was a form of body doubling. Mom may not have been actively helping you, but her presence provided focus and helped keep you on track.
So, enlist a friend to help you get stuff done. You can do each other a good turn. Closets will get clean and organized, and then you can treat each other to lunch. If your closet is in good shape, but you have other things that are bugging you and you want done, see if a friend can sit with you on a Zoom call for an hour. They might have stuff they want to get done as well. Body doubling doesn’t have to be in-person.
This works for exercise, too. If, like me, you don’t want to go to a gym, but can’t muster the fortitude to lace up your sneakers on your own, see if a friend wants to work out virtually with you. Or, hire a personal trainer online. They’ll make sure you get your workout done.
No matter what it is, you can get it done – with a friend.
Something to remember as you procrastinate, as we all do: every workout counts. When you lace up your sneakers, or hit the mat or the pool, you’re doing yourself a huge service. It means that you love yourself. You care about yourself. And you want to have the very best future possible.
Switch your schedule and move your body
When you’re not feeling it, when you just don’t have it in you to do the workout you had planned, that’s okay – do a different one. Or take a walk. Put on your favorite playlist and dance. You’re moving your body and that’s a start. You can switch your schedule and do your strength workout tomorrow. Every workout counts. If you don’t feel like doing a particular workout, chances are you wouldn’t give it the focus it – and you – deserve.
I was disgusting
I have to tell you that I skipped yesterday’s planned workout. I caught a cold, and while I knew that I’ll be fine, the mat work just was not going to be good yesterday. It was the sneezing, drippy, messy, totally disgusting day of the cold. And while the experts all say that if a cold is just in your head, you’re fine to exercise, I did not want to drip all over myself and my mat. So I rested. And today I feel better, so I did my scheduled workout.
Your resilience shows
When you exercise regularly, especially as you get older, your body gets used to moving. It enables you to do the things you want to do. And when you switch up your workouts for your healthy aging, your body adapts to the different requirements you place on it. You’re resilient – you know that your body is strong and you can withstand the trials and tribulations you’re sure to face.
So, do yourself a favor and make sure that every workout counts.
Take that first step. That’s the hard part. But it’s at the heart of every person’s journey to achieving big goals. It’s scary, taking the first step on the road to the unknown. Because even though you’ve thought about that big goal, wrote it down, thought some more, and wrote down the steps you believe can get you to that goal, you don’t really know for sure how the process will turn out. And taking that first step is like climbing a flight of stairs and then stepping off the top one into a void.
Still thinking about it
So, if you’re like a lot of people, you think about the goal some more and decide you want to refine some of the variables a little and think some more. And then, before you know it, weeks have passed. Because you’re still thinking and refining.
But this is the road to exactly nowhere. And that’s why a lot of people’s dreams are never realized. Because they never take that first step.
Achieve goals for happiness
If you’re like me, then, you refuse to sink into that cycle of nothingness. You need to achieve goals for your happiness. Work on something that makes you fulfilled for your healthy aging.
Here’s the step-by-step method that actually works to achieve any goal.
Decide on your specific goals
Decide on the goal. Write down all of the specifics you can think of. Picture it. If it’s a house, design every room. The outside, too. And the yards.
If your goal is a novel, decide on the storyline and the tone you want to take with it. Name the characters. Identify the location. Even design your main character’s home or office, or both.
If your goal is a vacation, decide on the location, what you want to do there, and what you need to be able to do the things you want to do. If you want to walk all over Rome, for example, make sure you have a couple pairs of super-comfortable walking shoes. And if you need to work on your endurance, add that to the plan.
Break it down and identify intermediate steps
Now that you’ve identified your goal, break it down. For our vacation example, there are a few intermediate steps – location, itinerary, and ability.
For each intermediate step, break it down further. What parts of Rome do you want to focus on? Do some research there. What museums, historic attractions and restaurants do you want to visit? Do you need to make reservations for anything now? (There are vacation planners online that can help you.)
And if you need to increase your endurance, how can you proceed to be in the best shape by the time your trip comes around? First, assess your current fitness level and compare that to what you need to tramp all around Rome. And figure out what it will take to get you to that level. Start walking 1500 yards today, 2000 tomorrow, maybe a mile by next week. If you have a smart phone, there are apps that can count your steps if you put it in your pocket. If you like the walking shoes you’re wearing now, perhaps buy a couple more pair and break them in before your trip.
Take that first step
Now, you’ve identified the progression. You’ve achieved the mindset to make your dream happen. You know what to do. And you know what that first step is. It’s no longer so scary. So, go ahead and take it.
One of the latest fads on TikTok these days is the Winter Arc or Great Lock-in. You’re thinking, “Didn’t we do that last year?” Because we did the Winter Arc challenge last year. But this year, it’s a different way to get ready for the dark months of winter. The Winter Arc was all about focusing on the mental and physical side of your health and well-being. The goal was to become calm and really dialed into exactly what was needed for that.
A different way to get ready for the dark months
This year, there’s a fresh approach. The Great Lock-in, embraced by Gen Z (born between around 1997 to 2012), but is actually good for everyone, is about getting yourself ready to achieve those big goals you have for yourself by the end of this year.
The viral TikTok post from @kadieglenn centers around self-trust. Because you’re not going to be able to achieve the big things you want if you can’t trust yourself to actually get there. You’ll recognize her points, but she’s finding a new audience with her post. So, be true to yourself and let’s get ready for the dark months of winter when we’ll crush our big goals.
Start small
Kadie Glenn, a London-based influencer, says to first start small so that consistency is easy. I’ve recommended that you break all your goals into little pieces so you’re not looking at that big, overwhelming one. Glenn gives the example of not saying you’re going to hit the gym five days a week when you havn’t been there all year. Start with two days. And if you’re successful with that, then you can scale up to more.
Track your wins – doing it is a win
Next, track your wins. Glenn says one way is to use a habit tracker so you show “proof of progress.” Progress is a definite win. When my arms were shaking, practicing the Balance Plank, before my face hit the mat, I was counting the seconds. From one to three, then five and ultimately ten seconds. Those incremental seconds were wins for me.
Once is okay, but twice?
Third, Glenn’s rule of “Never Miss Twice.” Sure, things happen. You can go off the wagon for one day. Eat the pizza. Miss a workout. But not two days. This gives you permission to take a mental health day. There have been days when I just couldn’t face that treadmill. I’m human. And even though I committed to my treadmill two days a week, there have been times when I just couldn’t. If you miss a day, it had been all too easy to give in to the shame and self-disparagement. You say, “I’ll never get it. I’ll never be able to resist the cheesecake.” But the “Never Miss Twice” rule acknowledges that we’re only human and have flaws. Get right back on the wagon and continue. There will be bumps in the road. Acknowledge them and move on.
Drop what doesn’t serve
And finally, “Create fiction and flow.” Create friction with those bad habits. Drop the habits that no longer serve you. If you need to delete apps off your phone, do it. If you need to delete so-called friends from your social media feed, do it. And the same for real people. This is more difficult, but probably more necessary. Drop those toxic influences from your life. Eliminate the annoyances where you can. Acquire a problem-solving mindset.
Here’s a personal example. You know that my sister and I live together. Sometimes she washes her hair in my bathroom – no big deal. The sink is nice and deep and has a goose-neck faucet. I used to keep a cup near the hot water lever. It wasn’t in the way, but my sister insisted on moving it every time. The problem was that she moved it to a spot where I consistently knocked it to the floor. It’s a small thing, but it annoyed me. So now I keep my cup in a spot that’s out of the way, not on the sink. Problem solved.
Create flow with systems
And at the same time, create the flow you need to become the person you want to be. Glenn gives the example of being frustrated every morning, rushing to find your gym clothes. So, make going to the gym easy by setting your clothes out, including shoes, the night before. That works for career dressing, too. Or creating a task list for the next day in the late afternoon, when you know what’s not going to get done today.
Glenn’s post ended with a saying that makes perfect sense. “We do not rise to the level of our goals, we fall to the level of our systems.” So if we create systems that work to advance us toward achieving our goals, we’re bound to be successful. Let’s get ready for the dark months so that we crush those big goals at the start of the new year.
We’ve seen lots of discussions lately about emotional intelligence. But many introverts fail at this. I’m an introvert. I’d much rather send an email than talk to someone. I’m writing this the day after Labor Day – and yesterday was absolutely fantastic. I spent most of the day with my dogs just relaxing. I read a good book for hours. No contact with the outside world. And it was great. So today (and most days, actually) I’m a little on edge because I do have to interact with other people. Most people’s worlds depend on successful interactions with others. And many introverts fail at this.
Imperative for success?
Many experts believe that emotional intelligence is imperative for success – for getting ahead, and even being happy. But introverts have a hard time with at least one, probably more, of the key skills that emotional intelligence requires.
We hear the term “emotional intelligence” being kicked around a lot lately, but what does it entail?
The keys to emotional intelligence
Self-awareness – this means that we are able to recognize our own emotions, choices and actions and how they may affect others. Introverts usually don’t have a problem with self-awareness. If anything, we’re too self-aware.
Self-regulation – the “ability to process and express emotions constructively, adapt to changes flexibly, and manage conflict effectively,” according to Psychologist Daniel Goleman. Sometimes I do have a problem expressing my emotions clearly and in a way that others understand without having to take action.
But here’s the big one – social skills. Goleman defines this as being an active listener and a strong communicator who can form “high-trust relationships.” This an introvert does with only a very few people. It takes a lot for us to really trust others.
Empathy and motivation are the last two emotional intelligence skills that Goleman identifies. Again, we don’t have a problem understanding and feeling for others. We can usually respond to others’ emotions in a careful and caring way. And we introverts can have a highly developed drive to seek out learning experiences and get things done.
How does this impact introverts?
So how does the lack of social skills impact us introverts? By not forming those “high-trust relationships” with others, we risk not having the camaraderie of others. Successful teams form relationships seemingly forever. And having those relationships adds a richness and fulfillment to life. Different people can add different perspectives to our own lives. They’ll bring up ideas that we may never have. Others have different backgrounds that can only add color and variety to our own lives. So, as much as it’s difficult, we introverts have to push and open ourselves to others for our own health and resilience.
Why walking is a game changer for your healthy aging
Aging is different for us than for our parents. It seemed like our parents and grandparents welcomed the aging process. I remember my grandmother being terribly vain about her appearance, but not really doing much for her physical well-being other than visiting the doctor regularly. Exercise was not a priority for that generation. I think my grandmother would have laughed me into next week if I suggested she just take a walk with me. Walking is a game changer, though. The simplest exercise can be the best.
Movement of any kind is good
Movement of any kind can help us live longer and be happier. The World Health Organization says that inactivity can lead to an increased risk of chronic diseases such as diabetes, cardiovascular disease and certain cancers. And adding walking to your day is as easy as lacing up your sneakers. Park a little further away from the grocery store. You’ve got a cart for the groceries you buy, so walk the extra distance. And if it’s one of those deals where you rent the cart for a quarter, you’re getting double the benefit when you have to walk it back for your quarter.
The simplest exercise can be the best
Walking is easy. You don’t have to think about it – walking is just something we’ve done since babyhood. But it turns out that the simplest exercise can be the best – because you’re doing it.
Walking adds “repeated resistance” to our leg muscles and bones, making them stronger. Our hip, knee, and ankle joints’ mobility benefit from walking, too. And walking increases our endurance, too. If we want to continue participating in activities, then endurance is crucial. We want to be able to outlast those dogs or grandkids.
The number of steps you take can be a fun number to track, and that’s important, but the time and intensity of your exercise is the thing that matters most. If you’re taking a leisurely stroll, then you’ll have to do it for longer. But if you’re power-walking, then you’re working those legs at a higher intensity and the minimum 20 to 30 minutes three days a week should be sufficient. The latest guidance is that participants in a study who walked 8,000 steps twice a week had lower mortality from any cause than those who were sedentary.
So, go ahead. Lace up your sneakers and take a walk.
