resilience Archives - Page 5 of 9 - Fran's Fitness Over 50

Don’t use fear as a motivator

It’s Fall – when we strive to prevent falls

It’s officially Fall according to the calendar, and my reminder to focus on my balance exercises. It’s an unkind fact – as we get older we not only gain more wisdom (that’s a good thing), we also lose things. Like our eyesight, our hearing, our hair (for some), our bone density, and our sense of balance. Falls are a primary cause of sending us seniors to the hospital. And once we’ve fallen, we live in fear of falling again. We may not be able to do much about our eyesight and hearing, but we can work to improve our balance. Fear of falling is a powerful nudge to get us working on our balance, but don’t use fear as a motivator.

Negative motivators are powerful

Fear has been called the most powerful motivator to get us to do something. And it certainly works. For a while. But we become fatigued. We can’t live in fear day in and day out. It’s not enough to be afraid of falling to get us to do the simple balance exercises. Fear tends to paralyze us. And if we don’t fall one day, or two, or a week, then we lose the motivation. We’re still afraid of falling, because the memory is there, but it’s no longer so powerful.

I learned a lot about aging

I started my balance journey a number of years ago after I fell and injured my knee and hips. It’s true that knowing our balance diminishes is often not enough to get us to work on it, though. In fact, I didn’t know about that aspect of aging until I started doing some research. I didn’t like the fact that losing balance is a natural part of aging, so I decided to see if there was something to do about it. Happily, I also learned that simple exercises (you can do the Core-Centered Balance Moves too) can help us regain the balance we’ve lost over time. This is a long-term prospect. Much like general exercises for the rest of our bodies, the benefits are lost if we don’t do them and they’re cumulative if we keep on doing the exercises. So we need additional motivation to keep us working on our balance.

Negative motivators are exhausting

But fear is a negative motivator, which never works as well as positive ones over time. Negative motivators are tiring. They’re unsustainable. Negative motivators work really well in the short term – like making you hurry if you’re late to an appointment and fear the consequences. Negative motivators are great at getting you to avoid doing things – like going out of your house if you’re afraid of falling. Positive motivators work much better in the long run at helping you to take action. You’ll want to go places and visit friends and family if you’re confident that you can do so safely. You’ll be able to bounce back and be more resilient if you’re confident in your independence.

So don’t use fear as a motivator to practice your balance moves. Instead, think of the confidence you’ll gain by your improved balance. You can step out of your door with confidence. You’ll revel in your independence. You’ll know that even if you do step on uneven pavement, the Inline Walking exercise that you do every week (yes, I know it looks and feels weird) will help you keep your balance.

It’s just two minutes a day. Practice your balance. Be confident.

The Rewards you Get

COVID takes your brain to interesting places. You’re sitting there and trying to focus, and your brain takes a detour down a rabbit hole. The other day I was thinking about positive reinforcement training and rewards. In my other life, I’m a dog trainer, using positive methods, and lots of rewards. So I thought, what’s different about people and motivation – people deserve great rewards when we do awesome stuff, just like our dogs do! Motivation and reward have to be linked, or I wouldn’t get things done.

Rewards in Positive Reinforcement Dog training

When I’m training my dogs, I reward things I like. That has the effect of the dogs doing that thing I liked more, so they get more rewards. Motivation and reward are linked. We say, “What gets rewarded gets repeated.” If the reward is a high value treat, my dogs want more of it. They think, “How can I get more of that yummy cheese?” Pause a moment. “Oh yeah. I was sitting.” They probably don’t use words, but I can imagine the thought process goes like that.

Rewards for Humans

When it comes down to it, people like rewards too. Our rewards might take a different form – less cheese, perhaps, and more chocolate, but cheese is good too. I have a feeling that we often disregard the “Reward” part that comes after we complete an item on our “To Do” List. And, yet, to keep us motivated, the reward plays an important part. I always say that we should celebrate every small victory! Every step toward a goal’s completion deserves a reward. Incidentally, achieving goals is also great for our optimism and our resilience.

Enlightened self-interest

Enlightened self-interest is what makes the world go around. If I don’t want to do something, I’m not going to do it unless I have a very good reason to do it. Like exercise. If I were just starting an exercise program, I’d need really good rewards to make me change into workout gear and get all out of breath and sweaty. But if I promise myself that I’ll get a new top if I stick to my program for a solid week, then I’ll stick with it.

Hierarchy of rewards

But not every reward is the same. Just like I do for my dogs, we should have a hierarchy of rewards for us. For a dog, kibble is at the low end of the hierarchy and hot dog may be at the high end. For us? Perhaps taking a five-minute breathing break is at the low end of the reward spectrum, and a new set of colored gel pens at the high.

Or if the task is more difficult, then a new pair of shoes may qualify as a high-end reward. As a reward, that pair of shoes carries much more value than a 5-minute break, so the task it’s rewarded for must be more difficult or time-consuming. Pair the reward with the task. And make sure that the reward is something you really want. You won’t be motivated to perform the task by that reward if you don’t care if you receive it or not!

Don’t wait until it’s finished for a reward

You may think that the carrot dangling on the end of the stick will see that task done to completion. But research has shown that a reward given when a task is started helps to keep us working. If we like the reward, then we have a positive association between it and the task, and it keeps us going. And this immediate reward doesn’t have to be big, either. The study showed that smaller, more frequent rewards had a bigger influence on a person’s motivation to complete a task than a bigger reward when the task was complete. The person’s mindset was changed to continue the task even for a smaller reward.

Motivation and rewards are linked – so make sure you’re clear on what your reward is for performing a task. Make sure the reward is something you actually want. And rewarding yourself for starting a project may just keep you going through to the end.

It doesn’t have to be fancy

The concept of creating goals for yourself may seem intense and scary. You may picture sitting at a very professional-looking desk with an open journal, colored pens and rulers. A couple of screens and a fancy keyboard may occupy a corner of the desk. But it doesn’t have to be fancy. Planning for your future can be as no-frills as you want it. Whether it’s a goal to become more fit, to eat right, to earn a million dollars, to buy a new house, setting your goals can be as simple as you like. Get a piece of paper and start writing.

Fitness goal? No-frills is best

If one of your goals is fitness, no-frills may be best. You don’t need special equipment or specific workout gear. You just have to be specific about exactly what you want and a timetable to get there. If you know that you want to do strength training two times a week, your own body weight can help you out. It doesn’t have to be fancy. Just today I read about 2 celebrities who used mainly body-weight exercises while touring and on location.

Carrie Underwood, country music superstar, worked with a trainer recently on tour to keep her endurance up. She said, “”I try to make the most of my time. I have changed my focus. Instead of just trying to get those external results that I wanted, my goals have changed. I want to be stronger, I want to live longer; those are the things that I want now other than just, ‘I want to fit into that.'” Underwood’s goals and wellness practices still aren’t big or splashy; rather, her habits are things she can “stick with forever,” and that’s what she recommends for others as well. Don’t get fancy – just get it done.

And Pedro Pascal, star of “The Mandalorian,” took a similar approach while on location filming the movie “The Last of Us.” There was no equipment, so he had to rely on body-weight moves for the mobility and movement he needed for the character.

Make a date with yourself

If becoming more fit is one of your goals, there’s no need to join a gym or invest in expensive equipment. Make a date with yourself a few times a week to go for a walk. Have a half-hour dance session. Cue up your favorite playlist and move. Don’t break those dates with yourself! Working toward your fitness goals will make you more optimistic and you’ll feel more powerful and resilient.

Test the waters first for other goals too

And the same kind of thing follows for your other goals. Start by testing the waters. If you want to save money, think about easy ways to start. Don’t buy the most expensive coffee drink. Make coffee at home every day. If you invest in an inexpensive coffee maker (I use a single-cup French Press coffee maker that costs under $10) and a can of coffee grounds, you may find that you like it even better than the expensive stuff you buy at coffee shops you have to travel to. Make your lunch at home a few times a week. Limit your restaurant spending. Maybe don’t buy those shoes this month. Start small.

Achieving your goals doesn’t have to be fancy. Keep working at it. Figure out ways to start small and grow from there.

Challenge the aging stereotypes

Halle Berry, in my opinion, is still one of the world’s most beautiful women. She’s 57 (!) now, and in the throes of menopause. But she’s not letting that phase of life shut her down, as she indicates she once thought it might. Halle Berry is changing her own reality and embracing the life changes menopause has brought her. Berry said, “I’m challenging all those stereotypes about how you have to look a certain way or feel a certain way. I’m my best self now … I have the most to offer.” We’re old enough that we don’t have to conform to society’s rules. So often we women feel compelled to think of others before ourselves, to conform to others’ rigid standards and do what others think we should. I’m with Halle – let’s challenge the aging stereotypes.

No more “little old ladies”

Gone is the “little old lady” stereotype. We used to think of “little old ladies” as stooped over, hobbling with a cane and wearing a shawl. Needing a driver to take us to the grocery store where we picked up our meager staples for the week. Yes, we might be shrinking in stature (thank you, gravity!), but we’re more vital and our views are more valid than ever.

Independent, but community has value

We see the world from the viewpoint of “been there, done that” – we’ve raised families, lost parents, and seen the best and worst of society from the vantage point of our homes and workplaces. We’re fiercely independent, yet community is still an important part of our lives – even if some days that community is just online. Our social media groups allow us to maintain the connections we so badly need for our resilience and our sanity. When you join a group on social media, you know you’ve got at least one thing in common with the other members. We’re not afraid to engage in discussions over controversial topics even if some others try to put us down. Our viewpoints are valid and we should express them.

And while it’s imperative to feel connected in some ways to others, we’re still individuals. Our choices don’t look like our friends’ choices. What we do with our days is no one’s business but ours. If we have more free time during the day, yay us! We can still be motivated to make positive changes in our lives and the lives of others.

Everyone’s journey is different

I choose to train dogs and I write about how my fitness journey impacts the rest of my life. I also write about how I stay motivated to continue it in the hope that it inspires others to be motivated to succeed in whatever endeavor they wish. It’s not the vocation I expected when I was “downsized” from a major corporation many years ago, but it’s one I embrace now.

As we all get older, we must recognize that we are each more than the niche society wants to stick us in. We all can challenge the aging stereotypes. Just get out there and get interested in whatever the world offers.

How to be resilient and motivated

In recent years we’ve heard that we need to be resilient to be able to withstand all that life throws at us, through the pandemic, political turmoil, weather extremes due to climate change. And we’ve all had this picture of someone who’s resilient: standing tall, perhaps at the edge of a cliff, arms akimbo, staring ahead with a stern expression. This person is mentally tough. She’s got what it takes to take whatever life throws at her. But, does this person have what it takes to still get things done? Is she motivated to still check things off her list? Or is she too busy fending off life’s arrows to maintain her motivation? Here’s why I think it’s not mutually exclusive to be both resilient and motivated.

Resilience defined

To be resilient you have to be able to recover quickly from adversity. You have to be able to take what life throws at you without wallowing. To pick yourself up, dust yourself off and move on to the next challenge. To be resilient and motivated, you have to not only pick yourself up and move on, but move on to a challenge that’s important to you.

Attributes of resilience equated to motivation

To be self-aware, you ahve to know what's inside you.

What does it take to be resilient? You have to know what’s inside you. To be self-aware. Know what makes you tick, and what motivates you. If your family is what’s important to you, then you’ll do whatever it takes for your family’s well-being.

Another aspect of being self-aware is to be mindful. Nurse practitioner Deborah Stamm at Advocate Good Shepherd Hospital says, “Mindfulness is the ability to purposefully bring one’s attention to experiences in the present moment without judgment.” If anyone is resilient in this world, it’s nurses. To be resilient, then, it’s not necessary to judge things that happen to us. Those things are neither good nor bad – they just are. They should not influence our future, nor should they taint the past. Accept them and move on. Life’s out there.

Go do things

We only get one life. It’s up to us to decide what we want to do with it. So, make goals that are important to you. And follow up on them. Set your intermediate goals and deadlines. Meet them. And then make more goals for your best life. You can be resilient and motivated at the same time. There’s no need to take a backseat in your life.

Don’t be afraid to take it slow

Two nights a week I teach Rally Obedience. Rally is kind of an esoteric sport for dog enthusiasts. It builds on basic obedience and requires some basic fundamentals so that you and your dog can successfully navigate a sort-of obstacle course. But instead of obstacles, you and your dog perform certain behaviors indicated by a sign. The most important skill to have is your dog “heeling” at your side – that is, your dog’s head stays even with your left leg as you walk. Training can take a while to be successful at Rally. I always tell my students, “Don’t be afraid to take it slow.” You’ll be even more successful when you get there!

Patience and Consistency

Don't be afraid to take it slow - at first

Many dogs have a tendency to forge ahead and pull their owners with them. It takes patience and consistency to train “heel” so that it looks and feels effortless for both of you. The way I like to train this is that when the leash gets tight and the dog starts to pull, you stop. Just stop. When your dog comes back to you to find out what’s going on, reward your dog for coming back to “heel position.” Easy. Just stop. Over time your dog will learn that being at your side is the best place in the world, because that’s where he gets the cookies.

Don’t be afraid to not get anywhere … at first

As in dog training, so in life. Don’t be afraid to not get anywhere! Even though it took one of my dogs and me three weeks of daily practice to get 20 feet from the house to the front sidewalk, we eventually went on to compete and gain obedience titles! Don’t be afraid to take it slow.

Don’t try so hard. If one of your goals is to do 25 regular push-ups, don’t be afraid to start easy. There’s always a modification so that you can build your strength. Start with 5 with your hands on a sturdy coffee table. Tomorrow do 6, the day after 8. Next week, after 7 days doing all your repetitions on an incline, try for 2 on the floor. Break up that big goal into smaller ones.

Remember the tortoise?

Researchers Teresa M. Amabile and Steven J. Kramer have found that what keeps people going – even high-powered scientists working on life-and-death projects – is that they make progress every day. Achieving small goals is still achieving goals. “Through exhaustive analysis of diaries kept by knowledge workers, we discovered the progress principle: Of all the things that can boost emotions, motivation, and perceptions during a workday, the single most important is making progress in meaningful work. And the more frequently people experience that sense of progress, the more likely they are to be creatively productive in the long run. Whether they are trying to solve a major scientific mystery or simply produce a high-quality product or service, everyday progress—even a small win—can make all the difference in how they feel and perform.”

Achieving those small wins will make you feel happier and more optimistic. It feels so good to check something off that list!

Celebrate every step along the way

That tortoise just put one foot in front of the other consistently and beat the hare. Don’t be afraid to take it slow – whatever “it” is. Celebrate every step. Accumulate your small wins every few days and make a note for your “Amazing Box.” You’ll get there.

Make your motivation more clear

I’ve said that in order to achieve your goals, you have to set goals. Many of us are frozen in that limbo of knowing that you want something … more … but not knowing exactly what it is you want. You’re unhappy with your current situation and want to change it but have no clear picture of what you’d like your situation to actually be. You just know that you want … more. That’s a problem if you really want to change your reality. My suggestion, which I’ve done multiple times over the years when I decided I wanted more – make your motivation more clear. Set aside some time – 15 minutes to a half hour – and get a pad of paper and a pen. And start thinking.

Start big, then work your way down

Think about your life – where it is now: your family, friends, work, home. Then think about how you feel about these aspects of your life. Figure out what makes you most unhappy. What about it makes you unhappy? Can you change that thing right away? If you can’t change that thing right away, how can you start doing small things to create something that makes you happy?

Think about “What if…”

Many of us flounder with our motivations. We think, “I’d really like to …” But that’s not enough. A statement that flimsy is not enough to keep us on the straight and narrow to getting anything done. We state affirmations like, “I am strong enough to succeed,” but that doesn’t really motivate us to do anything. Emotional healing coach Karena Neukirchner believes that affirmations like that “end up becoming a manifestation of toxic positivity.” We’re forcing these happy feelings to the forefront but our negative emotions are unchanged in our subconscious. And that negativity can intensify if it’s not addressed. But Neukirchner has a simple tweak to help us. Turn those affirmations into “iffirmations.” Consider “What if.” Just adding those simple words can help make your motivation more clear. When your motivation is clear, the path to happiness and resilience is more clear.

My “iffirmation”

I had been dissatisfied with my writing. So many ideas for articles, essays, books, novellas, but I haven’t been writing. I never seemed to have the time or mindset to look at that white Google Docs screen. So, I changed “I will be a successful writer” to “What if I became successful at writing.” And I thought about how to make that happen. I like my days, full as they are, and don’t see my schedule changing any time soon. But what if I woke up a little earlier? Before my busy day started. I could write then! My new writing protocol started about a month ago and I finished my first novella (it’s being edited now!). I started the second and am reasonably happy with its progress.

The biggest difference has been in my mindset. Since I’ve been writing more consistently, I feel like I’m more creative, and I’m happier. So, when you make your motivation more clear, things start to happen.

When part of your brain says, “Go!” and the other part, “No!”

Running is unfailingly hard for me. Every day that I step on the treadmill, it’s hard. It’s a struggle to increase that speed when all I want to do is lie down and take a nap. What do you do when part of your brain says, “Go!” and the other part says, “No?” How do you maintain your motivation to do something hard?

Why run at all?

If it’s so hard, you might ask, why do I want to run at all? I’ve mentioned my dogs lots of times here. They’re my workout and life buddies. My companions who never tell me I can’t do anything. My dogs are with me as I work, and often as I play. I train my dogs for fun and for competition. I write about the journeys I’ve had with my dogs, in life in general and on the road. The hard times and the fun times as I wrote about in Tango: Transforming My Hellhound.

I enjoy the competition training, and there’s nothing more fulfilling than running straight out on an Agility course with my dog. When he’s off-lead. I know that I’ll never be as fast as my dog – no human can match the speed of a canine – but I can be where I need to be, to give him the cues he needs to know where to go. And for that I need to run. Fast. That’s my motivation to get on the treadmill. So I run at home on my treadmill a couple of times a week. And it’s hard, every time. And yet, I still aim to increase the speed without decreasing the incline.

Why do something so hard, then?

So, why not decrease the speed or the incline, or both? In my mind, that would be cheating. Speaker, author and coach Curt Rosengren says, “The more you challenge yourself and succeed, the greater your confidence in your ability to do it again next time. Challenge doesn’t just help you grow your skills and knowledge, it helps you grow your belief that you can.” Small gains everyday help me stay on the treadmill. Another 10 seconds at a tenth of a mile faster is a win for me. Or an extra 30 seconds at a half percent higher incline is good. Small steps make the big goal more approachable. That kind of optimism will grow your resilience, and it’s good for your healthy aging.

Make hard stuff a habit

If you do things at a specific time on specific days for several weeks, they become a habit. When things become habit, you don’t even have to think about doing them, you just do. So, if you do something hard just as a matter of course, it will stop being hard. And then you’ll have to find some other hard thing to do.

Exercise is not selfish

You may think that you’re being selfish when you exercise. After all, you’re the one who’s gleaning the benefits of all that sweat! You’re the one who’s burning calories, strengthening muscles and improving your bone density. You’re the one who’s sleeping better at night and remembering everything. But, think again. Exercise is not selfish.

If I didn’t exercise, I’d be dead

I’ve said before that exercise makes me a nicer person. If I didn’t exercise, my sister would probably have killed me by now. And no one would convict her in a court of law.

The endorphins produced during a great workout make you feel more optimistic and happier in that moment. And those endorphins can help to ease depression, with some physicians even prescribing exercise as an alternative to medication for some patients. I know that after I exercise I feel better. The powerful feeling lasts well beyond my workout, too.

Exercise to be an example

Here’s another reason to exercise – Adrienne Bailon-Houghton, singer and entertainment magazine co-host, has recently refreshed her fitness goals. She turned 40 and wants to be an example to others, especially her son. She said, “”I think there’s something so empowering about having a son and turning 40 this year and just wanting to be a great example to him of what health and fitness looks like.” Bailon-Houghton has had health issues for most of her life, and having a son has given her a new reason to stay fit, and aware of all that means. Exercise is not selfish, and Bailon-Houghton is exercising to be a role model.

Exercise to be a role model

It’s not about the numbers. I was surprised a couple of weeks ago at my annual wellness visit that I had lost a couple of pounds. I never weigh myself at home, so I had no idea what my weight was. Feeling great and being healthy are my fitness goals. Many women my age are grandmothers, and even great-grandmothers. I like to think that it’s people like me – and you! – who reject the stereotypes of “little old ladies” who can be role models for younger generations. We can be strong and independent, and look at healthy aging as just part of everyday living. We eat right (most of the time) and exercise regularly just as part of our daily routine. Remember that exercise is not selfish – it’s good for everyone!

Exercise outside – but don’t kill yourself

Increase your balance in just a couple of minutes a day

Our doctors tell us to go outside and get some fresh air. (But be sure to slather on the sunscreen and insect repellent.) The experts tell us that being outside also helps our optimism and resilience. And, let’s face it, a deep breath outside is a whole lot different than one inside. But there are a million things that need doing, including getting our exercise in to satisfy the CDC recommendations. How do we fit it all in: meeting our goal of exercising for the recommended time, being outside, and getting everything else done? How can we effectively exercise outside, stay safe, and be kind to ourselves?

“Soft Hiking”

Two young women in the UK have introduced the notion of “soft hiking.” They’re outdoors in the natural environment, enjoying the scenery, and being active all at the same time. They exercise outside and document it on social media so others can join in their fun. They encourage others to explore their area of the world and be active in the outdoors. The notion of “soft hiking” makes exercise outside less intimidating, intense and frightening. Go at your own pace. Go off-trail to examine a unique tree or look at a historic plaque. Reconnect with nature. Be able to breathe deeply in the fresh air. And exercise outside without killing yourself.

Lower the intensity

The notion of “soft hiking” goes along with a movement I’ve seen lately to lower the intensity of pretty much everything, including exercise. Emotions have been so intense the last few years that we’re seeing a rebellion. So, let’s go along with that. Ramp the exercise intensity down, too. Even Michelle Obama has eased off on her exercise intensity. Lowering the intensity doesn’t mean that the exercise is less effective, though. It just means that we’re exercising smarter.

Know your body

The key is to know what your body can do. High intensity exercise for you may not be as high for someone else. I always say that the way to grow is to challenge ourselves. That doesn’t mean that we have to push to the point of passing out. The key is to be kind to yourself. If the notion of “soft hiking” intrigues you, lace up your sneakers, grab your water bottle, and go find a trail nearby. Examine interesting plant life (but don’t touch it unless you know it won’t give you a rash). Read historic plaques. Find a new route to wander. Go exercise outside.