I started the New Year with kindness to myself and ignored the calendar.
The New Year started for me with an unwelcome guest: food poisoning. I think it was from a bag of organic spring mix. It looked beautiful, tasted great, and we used it well before the “best by” date, but… You never know. New Year’s Day is usually a day for planning, goal-setting, scheduling with different colored pens. It makes my want-to-be-organized soul happy to see my little planner book all marked up. But that didn’t happen this year. I just didn’t have the energy. Instead of feeling guilty about not doing what I normally would do, I actively decided to start with kindness. Kindness to myself.
Sense of freedom
And by not going crazy with my colored pens, I felt a sense of freedom, despite feeling physically terrible. Obviously there were still things that had to get done, like caring for the dogs, but aside from that, I just relaxed, read my book, and drank water and ginger ale.
Starting the year with kindness, making that conscious effort to be kind, has done wonders for my mindset. More peace, looking both outward and inward. And knowing that everything that has to get done will get done. I’ll make time for important things and try to let go of other, less crucial items.
Healthy aging depends on a positive mindset.
Generally happier people live longer than unhappy people or those who look on the negative side of things. Happy people have greater resilience and are more able to bounce back from hardship. So, perhaps, my conscious decision to start with kindness this year will increase my resilience!
Get the important stuff done
Starting with kindness, though, does not mean that important activities will be left undone, though. Exercise is important to my physical and mental well-being, and makes me a better person to be with, so my regular workouts will certainly continue. I’ll still prepare my lessons and craft my articles with care.
By starting with kindness, perhaps I’ll be less focused on getting things done and be happier on the journey.
Many struggle with New Year’s Resolutions. To make some and then have them fall by the wayside is disappointing. I don’t make resolutions for just that reason. How about not making resolutions but taking action on improving something we all could use more of? Here are 4 steps to improve your confidence in the new year.
Grow and expand your mindset
Confident people are always learning. Learning new ways to do things, learning more about the world. Also, they’re learning more about themselves. Confident people are curious about pretty much everything, so want to learn. By learning more about the world, we open ourselves to different cultures and different values. People in other parts of the world do commonplace things differently than we do. And this can be completely unexpected – things that, once we’re exposed to them, we think that it makes perfect sense.
Exercise (friend optional) fuels your mind and your body. It also improves your self-worth and confidence.
Angeli Gianchandani, professor of marketing at the University of New Haven says that confident people are “avid readers and focus on self-care, making time to meditate and exercise to fuel their minds,” she says. “It is the power of their ideas and imagination to think beyond the ordinary that sets them apart.”
And confident people are unafraid of trying new things. They’re not afraid to fail. Confident people see projects that don’t go quite right as experiments. Try again and succeed! “Those who invite discomfort are able to achieve more, take more significant risks and break through barriers, and are open to facing new challenges,” says Gianchandani. “Discomfort is a form of self-growth, pushing yourself mentally to overcome fear.”
Accepting discomfort helps to eliminate the “what-if” mindset. All those bad case scenarios we’re so used to running through in our heads.
Be vulnerable
The next step to improve your confidence is to ask for advice and admit that you’re wrong (when you are!) Don’t be afraid of making mistakes. We all make mistakes. You’re only human, after all.
“Having courage means forgetting about being perfect,” says Jonathan Alpert, author of Be Fearless: Change Your Life in 28 Days. “So often people don’t pursue things because they feel it has to be just right. They ruminate over how to approach things, conduct themselves, or say something to the point of getting filled with anxiety and either not taking any action at all or doing so in a way that lacks confidence.”
Don’t be so afraid of making a mistake or worry about doing something wrong that you’re paralyzed into inaction.
Be kind to yourself
Another step to improve your self-confidence is to just be kind to yourself. No negative talk! “Recent research has shown self-compassion was associated with self-worth,” says Michele Patterson Ford, Ph.D., a psychologist and senior lecturer in psychology at Dickinson College.. “Knowing your value is an important component of feeling confident in oneself. Self-compassion, however, may actually provide the benefits of high self-esteem without the potential problems associated with high self-esteem, like being egotistical. The compassionate side tames the potential to be self-absorbed.”
You know you’re worth it, but you don’t rub it in others’ faces! We know that compassionate resilience is the way to healthy aging and happiness in the future.
Speak up!
The last step to improve your confidence is to speak up. This is the hardest thing for us introverts. Know that what you say is right and can help others. Jonathan Alpert says there will always be people who doubt you, but don’t let that stop you from speaking up, taking a chance, and doing what you believe in. “Criticism just means you got people thinking,” he says. “Many who have taken confident and bold steps have faced resistance. Stay focused on what you believe in and forge ahead.” No one can take your beliefs away from you. If you’re firm in them, stick with them going forward.
I woke up yesterday and could not remember what day it was… The day before was unremarkable. I didn’t do anything out of the ordinary. And all the days are running together. But then I thought of something special I had planned for later in the day which lit a spark. (I planned to design a cover for my new fitness journal that’s in the works.) And suddenly the day filled with wonder. I did the 3 things to start my day positively, and the rest of the day was bright and happy and full of purpose.
It stands to reason – if your day starts well, it will progress the same way. So, let’s consider the start to the day. Everyone has morning rituals. Are yours positive? Do they inspire you to find light in your day?
Wake up
Paul Valery, a French poet and essayist, said “The best way to make your dreams come true is to wake up.” He recognized he wouldn’t get anything done by lying around in bed all day. You need to wake up and get moving to make things happen. So, start your day positively by actually getting out of bed when your alarm goes off rather than hitting the snooze button and turning over. I have it easy – if I don’t get up when my alarm goes off my dogs will step on me…
One positive thought
“Just one small positive thought in the morning can change your whole day.” The Dalai Lama knows a great deal about having the right mindset. To create positive energy which will follow you throughout the day, start with a positive thought from the moment you wake up. So even if you don’t have something special planned for the day, think of something positive and that will create positive energy for your day. You’ll grow your resilience with your optimism and create that uplifting mindset. Most days I choose happiness! Whatever else I have going on, happiness makes the day brighter.
Today is my future
“My future starts when I wake up every morning.” Jazz Musician, Miles Davis, realized the value of a fresh and positive start to every day. Embrace this attitude by reminding yourself from the moment you wake up just what you’re striving for and why this is important. Reach forward toward your goals. Davis also was famously frustrated by fellow musicians retreating – going backward rather than forward: “Instead of going forward he was going backwards. I told him not to lose what he brought from Chicago, but some guys just go backwards, man.” (about Darryl Jones, bassist)
Every day: wake up and stretch. Have a positive thought while brushing your teeth. And remember that today is your future: it’s going to be great!
For fitness contributor Elizabeth Enochs, sticking with workouts she actually enjoys is the key to staying motivated to exercise on a regular basis. “I used to work out nearly daily, spending hours in the gym each week. I looked forward to intense cardio and strength training — but for the last couple of years, I’ve only been interested in exercising outdoors and stretching in my house. Hikes, long walks, bike rides, and kayaking trips are my workouts of choice these days. Currently, I’m working out less than I did for most of my 20s and my workouts are easier, but I wouldn’t be exercising at all if I only allowed myself to do HIIT.”
A struggle to stay motivated
Such great advice. It’s a struggle to stay motivated to exercise, day in and day out. I’ve written that it’s not one and done. I wish it were, but you can’t exercise once and say, “I’m good for life. Never have to do that again.” Nope. as one of my workout instructors says, “Fitness is a journey, not a destination.” And especially now, as we get older, exercise is crucial for our healthy aging.
In it for the long haul
I enjoy the books I listen to while running.
We’re in it for the long haul, so you have to stick with workouts you actually enjoy. Because if you don’t enjoy your workout, you’re not going to do it again. As simple as that. I don’t enjoy the act of running, but I do it a couple of times a week. Why do I do it if I don’t enjoy it? Because I enjoy the books I listen to. I see the benefits of running in my improved stamina and endurance, but I wouldn’t keep at it if it weren’t for the audiobooks I listen to on the treadmill.
CDC recommendations
Of course, the CDC recommends 150 minutes of moderate physical activity per week for adults, so I need more than the 40 minutes of running I do a week. On Tuesdays I usually do Pilates to give my knees a rest. Why Pilates? I enjoy the muscle-lengthening feeling I get, plus it’s a terrific core workout. That half hour goes by quickly.
And a couple of other days every week I do combined aerobics and strength training workouts. I have a library of workout DVDs that I … kind of … enjoy. Combining the aerobics with weights gives me a double bang for my buck.
Do workouts YOU enjoy
But that’s what I do. You have to do the workouts that you enjoy … or sort of enjoy … or don’t mind doing … otherwise you won’t do it at all. So, go for hikes or bike rides. Or dance up a storm and get your heart rate up and the sweat running down your face (and other parts). Do yoga or pilates and get flexible. Because if you don’t exercise, you don’t get the benefits. And you can’t eat that extra half-serving of pasta.
We’ve passed Thanksgiving. That means the holiday craziness is in full swing now. There seem to be two kinds of personalities prevalent around the holiday season: Cheerful or snarling. It’s easy to get frazzled. To let your nerves and anxiety get the best of us. But it’s important to manage stress especially for our healthy aging. We feel calmer and more able to tackle future problems, plus our immune system can even be stronger when we experience less stress. Here are some easy tips to turn your snarls into grins. Your 3 ways to de-stress this holiday season:
Plan for the tough stuff
Don’t have your shopping done yet? List all the people who you have to buy gifts for. Have an idea of what you’ll get them and plan your shopping trip(s) accordingly. And don’t forget the wrapping paper or gift bags. Now schedule your shopping runs and wrapping parties. If you’re cooking, plan your menus and shopping for that too. Chef Alex Guarnaschelli recently shared her timeline for prepping for Thanksgiving. Take a lesson from Chef Alex! Plan for the tough stuff.
Have a plan to de-stress
A short guided meditation can also help you de-stress
Inevitably, some things will get to you. Your annoying student went one step too far. Or your mom poked her nose into your family’s business one time too many. So, have a plan to distract yourself from the stress when you’re feeling the tension. Play a short game of Fishdom on your phone. Take a bath. Go for a walk. Exercise. Dance to your favorite tune. It won’t take long. 5 to 10 minutes should be enough time to feel calmer.
Recognize things you’re grateful for
The Thanksgiving holiday may be in the rear view mirror, but being thankful should be an everyday occurrence. You may be frustrated with some things in your life. And you may feel something akin to desperation about others. But there will always be things you’re grateful for. Remind yourself of them. Yes, some days it’s harder than others to see the bright spots. But they’re there if you open your eyes. Feeling gratitude in your life leads to optimism and hope.
Being mentally tough, or “resilient,” is what all the psychology “experts” are talking about in the last couple of years. While it’s crucial to our well-being and healthy aging to be able to bounce back when the going gets tough, it’s also important to stay kind – what I call “compassionate resilience.”
Awareness
If you’re feeling panicked by events in the world, the first step is to be aware of that feeling, and then how you’re going to interact with those events. Is it panic? Or overwhelm? Are you frustrated? If you’re an observer, observe without judgment of yourself. If you’re a doer, figure out how you can make the situation better – first for yourself and then, perhaps, for others.
Be aware of how your feelings affect you. Identify them – is it fear or anxiety that you’re feeling? Why? How will the happenings far away affect you here and now? Or here and later. If you’re feeling overwhelmed, identifying the things that are causing that feeling will help you to start on unraveling the tangle of burdens that you feel pressing upon you. Nurse practitioner Deborah Stamm of the Center for Health and Integrative Medicine at Advocate Good Shepherd Hospital says that naming the emotion “lessens the intensity and reminds you that you are in control of the emotion, not the other way around. It keeps you connected with your logical brain, and you are better able to think of new ways to handle situations that arise.”
Action
Taking action will help you turn your narrative around.
If that outcome is not something we want, how can you change it? Changing the narrative from, “I’m scared” to “I’m going to write to my Congressperson” will make you feel that you’re accomplishing something worthwhile. You’re being mindful of the moment, you dispassionately thought about the situation and decided on a course of action. At the same time, though, be sure not to let yourself think too much about the future. Do what you can now and put the situation aside until something changes or something else can be done about it
Be grateful
Stamm says another crucial aspect of resilience is gratitude. She says our brains are wired for negativity but, in contrast, optimism leads to resilience. We have to work on our positivity, to balance our brains. See my article “Five Ways to Maintain Positivity” for a start. Stamm recommends writing in a gratitude journal for a start on triggering positivity every day.
Be kind to yourself
Finally, to boost your resilience, be kind to yourself. If others talk about you in negative terms, don’t believe them! It’s easy to be down on yourself. We all do it from time to time. “I’m too fat.” “I shouldn’t eat that chocolate.” “My hair is terrible.” It’s easy to get caught in that trap. But – don’t! Eliminate that negative self-talk! You are worthwhile. The things you do are amazing! Believe that.
Be grateful for the great things in your life. Believe that you’re worth every good thing that comes your way. Identify your feelings, especially the negative ones so that you can create a plan of action to turn your own narrative around. All this will lead you to compassionate resilience. You’ll be mentally tough – but still kind and compassionate.
Queen Elizabeth practiced many habits for healthy aging during her long life.
The world has been mourning the loss of Queen Elizabeth II of Britain, but also celebrating her healthy long life. The Queen was in the spotlight for most of her 96 years, and was working until almost the end. How did she do it? Did she just have good genes? Or did she practice habits for healthy aging?
The answer to the question is probably a mixture of both good genes and good habits! The Queen’s mother lived to be 101 years old, but Queen Elizabeth did have great habits for healthy aging!
Habits for healthy aging from an expert
Dr. Kevin Koo, family medicine physician at Advocate Medical group, says, “As someone who cares for many people in their 80s, 90s and even 100’s, the patients who are the healthiest are those who are on top of their health and well-being. They go to doctors’ appointments. These patients socialize often.” They read, travel, volunteer and exercise.
Eat right
First off – Dr. Koo says to eat a healthy, balanced diet. Queen Elizabeth typically ate small meals throughout the day, and her meals included grilled lean meats and lots of vegetables. But she also indulged occasionally in dark chocolate and biscuits. There’s nothing off-limits in a healthy diet. As I always say, “Everything in moderation!” And Dr. Koo agrees: “balance and not overindulging in anything are important when it comes to your diet.”
Social interaction
The queen met with lots of people on a daily basis. For the rest of us, feeling connected to others is important for our physical and mental well-being – from increased brain function to decreased depression. The pandemic isolated many people, and we’re only now realizing how detrimental that isolation has been – especially to seniors, many of whom were unable to interact with others.
Exercise
We know the Queen walked the castle grounds and she walked her dogs. In her early years, Queen Elizabeth also enjoyed swimming.
Spend time outside
Fresh air and sunshine can boost not only your spirits but your health as well. We may not have castle grounds to wander, but we can walk through our neighborhoods and get the benefits.
Pray or meditate
Prayer or meditation can reduce stress and improve your outlook. Meditation was one way I mentioned that naturally fights depression. And Queen Elizabeth frequently mentioned prayer in her televised comments.
Engage in your passion projects
Whether it’s volunteering for a charity or engaging in a hobby, this is another way to find a productive outlet and have more social interaction.
Never too late
Dr. Koo reminds us that there’s no time limit on healthy aging. It’s never too late to start eating right, start an exercise program, or start volunteering for a worthy cause.
You may have seen “experts” talk about using visualization to achieve your dreams. Just picture yourself living your best life on that tropical island and it will happen. Nope. Not even close. Or visualize yourself running a marathon. Not going to work. Don’t use visualization to achieve your dreams. It doesn’t work that way. Wishing it doesn’t make it come true.
Visualization is all-or-nothing
Dr. Irena O’Brien, a cognitive neuroscientist, explains why: “Visualizing a successful outcome encourages us to think in all-or-nothing terms. This is exactly the opposite of what we should be doing. Thinking about goals in their entirety can inspire fear and overwhelm that can halt our progress.”
Visualizing success is as real as actually achieving that success to your brain, and it reduces your energy to continue working toward your goal. That’s because your brain believes that you’ve already achieved your goal. Studies have measured this drop in energy using systolic blood pressure. So, when you’re visualizing completing the marathon, your brain believes that you’ve actually accomplished it.
No easy way
Visualizing the steps to reach the big goal.
Visualizing standing on the podium at the finish line of that marathon makes us believe that there’s an easy way to get where we want to go. That we don’t have to do the hard work that will ensure that conclusion.
And we know that’s not true. We have to do the work. How am I going to run 26 miles if I get out of breath by the end of my block?
So how do we get there?
Dr. O’Brien agrees with the strategy I outlined: If you have a big goal in mind, break it up and figure a way to get those smaller chunks done. Using our marathon example, we can establish a plan to be sure we’re ready for that race. If the big race is six months away, we can schedule our training week-by week and day-by-day to give us plenty of time. Of course if you’re serious about your marathon running, you’ll want to check with a trainer specializing in long-distances for that plan.
For our marathon example, we can schedule a one mile run twice the first week, and strength training a couple of other days during the week, and build up from there. If you use a treadmill for most of your training, be sure to include real road work for some. The conditions are different, and you’ll want to get used to running with wind and weather.
Visualize the steps
Instead of visualizing your successful outcome, visualize the steps. Visualize yourself running, and passing the one-mile mark and still feeling strong. This will work because you’ve outlined those smaller steps that are manageable and perfectly achievable.
And, finally – just start. Don’t spend too much time crafting the steps you need to take to achieve your ultimate goal. Dr. O’Brien says that “mindset is built through action.” Once you get going, you’ll see that your first step is achievable, and so will the next and the next. Use this technique to achieve all your goals – fitness, as well as others.
Remember – don’t use visualization to achieve your dreams. Your dreams will come with those smaller steps.
A big part of healthy aging has to be managing stress. As we get older, our immune system doesn’t work as well as it used to. Along with our senses of balance, hearing and eyesight. It turns out that stress plays a big part in compromising our immunity. We don’t need added pressures on our immune system, so it’s even more important to manage our stress as we get older. And it stands to reason that if we can manage our stress, we boost our immunity.
Stress affects immune system aging
Recently, a large study researched how stress affects the premature aging of the immune system. Almost 6 thousand people age 50 and up were surveyed about stress in their lives – the questions involved family, job, finances and social discrimination issues. Scientists also measure their T-cell levels. T-cells, or lymphocytes, protect against bacteria, viruses, cancer and other harmful cells that promote age-related harmful conditions (like osteoporosis, heart disease and Alzheimer’s disease).
“The researchers concluded that chronic stress, stressful life events and higher lifetime exposure to social stressors may contribute to accelerating immune aging.”
Molly Ireland, nurse practitioner at Aurora Health Center, says that while everyone experiences stress, the ways that we manage it can reduce its negative effects. I identified ways to reduce stress some time ago, and some are recapped here.
Manage stress to boost your immunity
So, how can we manage stress to boost our immunity?
You know how I manage stress – exercise plays a big part.
First off – make sure you prioritize you. Eat well and get plenty of sleep. And when you “eat well,” make sure you get plenty of vegetables and fruit, cut down on processed carbohydrates and sugars, and eat as much protein as you need. Eat more fiber and less fat, according to Ireland.
If your doctor wants you to lose weight, take this recommendation to heart. Being at a healthy weight will boost your immune system too.
Take time for you. Pursue hobbies you love. Sometimes, just being alone can help you manage your stress. But see friends and family too, because social interaction is important.
Break goals down into smaller, more manageable chunks so you don’t feel overwhelmed.
If you follow fitness “gurus” on social media, you’ll likely see the phrases, “Go for the burn,” or “Give it your all,” or “Don’t save anything.” And you’ll probably see people on videos doing running so much faster than you can, or doing insane things with their bodies. Don’t compare yourself to others. Everyone is at a different point in their fitness journey. No one else’s body is like yours. You have different experiences than everyone else.
It’s normal to compare ourselves to our peers. Psychologists call it “social comparison theory.” It’s an attempt to understand ourselves and our place in society. Juliana Breines Ph.D. says that social comparisons can be helpful when “we remember that even the most successful people struggle in some ways and are just as human and fallible as we are—and that, for all our foibles and shortcomings, we are just as capable of greatness.”
But it’s easy to fall into the trap of coming down hard on ourselves when we compare ourselves to others. “I’m not as good.” Or, “I’ll never be able to do that.”
Be reasonable
On the treadmill
I used to see videos of people running, sweating buckets, going faster than I thought any human had a right to go just to exercise. I thought, “They’re crazy. Running is for the birds.” Years ago I could never see myself running for exercise. And then I took up agility with my dogs. In order to succeed, most handlers need to be fit and able to run. Now, no person can run as fast as most dogs can run, but an agility handler has to be in the proper position to give their dog direction. In class, I was out of breath in no time. So I thought that I should put the treadmill in the basement to use and work on my stamina. I began to use the treadmill for 20 minutes twice a week. At first I couldn’t run for longer than 15 seconds at a time at a very low speed, walking between running intervals. I had to motivate myself to run because it was hard at first and I had no really good reason to do it otherwise.
But I persisted and built up the time and speed. I still can’t run for more than a minute at a time, but that’s OK. An agility run is usually less than a minute. And now my speed is over 7 miles an hour at my fastest. I’m not where I need to be yet, but that’s OK. I know that running on an agility course is much different than on a treadmill, but it’s a start.
It doesn’t matter how fast the other person is going
It doesn’t matter how fast that instructor is running. You’re you. You may be older than that person. And you may need to work on your endurance. Your body should get used to the movements before you intensify them. If you’re just starting, it would be a very bad idea to go all out at first. You’d end up injuring yourself and unable to do it again in a couple of days. If you’re serious about that goal, like I am about running, consistency is key. You don’t want to start over again next week.
The point is, be kind to yourself. Start at a reasonable level for you. And challenge yourself. In your quest for healthy aging, have a goal. Push yourself – not crazily, but enough that you’re able to see consistent improvements. Your goal should not be easy to achieve, but it should be achievable.
I do different things with my exercise routines. I try different yoga poses. Sometimes I fall on my face (but I practice on a nice thick mat). I try to achieve that Side Plank Star periodically, just to see if I still can. All part of my quest for healthy aging. You may think that’s weird. And that’s OK.
Your goal is yours
Your goal should not be mine. Running fast shouldn’t be your goal. (Unless, of course, you really want to run fast.) But it’s mine. Don’t compare yourself to others. If you want to be able to do five push-ups and you feel embarrassed that you can’t even do one, don’t be. You’re you. Your arms and shoulders are put on differently than the person whose video you saw online who could crank out fifteen and not break a sweat. Your core may not be as strong. But you can work at it and, if you’re persistent, and that’s what you really want, you’ll do it. You’ll modify moves at first and persist. Don’t compare yourself to others. Because everyone is different.
