Failure happens. Get used to it.
We’ve talked about failure before. We have high hopes, set lofty goals, take some steps toward that goal, and then … it’s not working. Or you know steps that you need to take if something’s going to happen (like making a call that could possibly open doors for you), but you don’t do it. Why? You think the person on the other end will say no. No one wants to fail. We’ll do pretty much anything we can to avoid it. But the more we can recognize the fact that failure happens, the better our chances are that we can move past it.
Our minds skip over the possibility
We don’t want to think about failure. Our minds just kind of skip over the fact that failure is a possibility in our endeavors. So not thinking about failure can be a way to avoid failure itself. The problem with that is that if we don’t try, we’re not successful in our endeavors, either.
A paper a few years ago showed that even motivated people don’t try out their ideas because they’re afraid of failing. Fear of failure does hold us back. Society has told us to stay positive, so we do – and don’t even think of failure as an option. But it’s always there, niggling in the back of our minds. We’re afraid to fail, so we don’t try.
On the other hand, if we accept the fact that failure is an option, it might happen, then we’ll put ourselves out there. Sure, once we do, we can still fail. And another study says that the fear of failure may return.
That’s why we have to rehearse failure. Prepare for the contingencies. Josh Davis, Ph.D., says that just a few shifts in our mindset can have us trying the things we used to wait on. Instead of justifying not doing something – it’s not ready, or I’m not ready for people to say no – prepare reasons for doing it anyway.
And if it’s something inherently personal, like starting an exercise program, if you’re scared of what people will say, the same shift helps as well. Expect your family to give you resistance and pooh-pooh the idea. They may say, “Oh, you look great as you are!” And you can say, “Thank you, but I expect I’ll feel even better doing it.”
Feel exhilaration in the process
Instead of feeling let down, prepare to feel exhilaration in the process.
And instead of fearing the “no’s,” prepare to hear “no” and find out the “why’s” so that you can make it better. The more you put yourself out there, the more you can change with the new information you learn. You’re more resilient. And you’re learning. All that contributes to your healthy aging process.
So the sooner that you realize that failure happens, the sooner you can get on the road to success.
