How to be resilient and motivated

In recent years we’ve heard that we need to be resilient to be able to withstand all that life throws at us, through the pandemic, political turmoil, weather extremes due to climate change. And we’ve all had this picture of someone who’s resilient: standing tall, perhaps at the edge of a cliff, arms akimbo, staring ahead with a stern expression. This person is mentally tough. She’s got what it takes to take whatever life throws at her. But, does this person have what it takes to still get things done? Is she motivated to still check things off her list? Or is she too busy fending off life’s arrows to maintain her motivation? Here’s why I think it’s not mutually exclusive to be both resilient and motivated.

Resilience defined

To be resilient you have to be able to recover quickly from adversity. You have to be able to take what life throws at you without wallowing. To pick yourself up, dust yourself off and move on to the next challenge. To be resilient and motivated, you have to not only pick yourself up and move on, but move on to a challenge that’s important to you.

Attributes of resilience equated to motivation

To be self-aware, you ahve to know what's inside you.

What does it take to be resilient? You have to know what’s inside you. To be self-aware. Know what makes you tick, and what motivates you. If your family is what’s important to you, then you’ll do whatever it takes for your family’s well-being.

Another aspect of being self-aware is to be mindful. Nurse practitioner Deborah Stamm at Advocate Good Shepherd Hospital says, “Mindfulness is the ability to purposefully bring one’s attention to experiences in the present moment without judgment.” If anyone is resilient in this world, it’s nurses. To be resilient, then, it’s not necessary to judge things that happen to us. Those things are neither good nor bad – they just are. They should not influence our future, nor should they taint the past. Accept them and move on. Life’s out there. 

Go do things

We only get one life. It’s up to us to decide what we want to do with it. So, make goals that are important to you. And follow up on them. Set your intermediate goals and deadlines. Meet them. And then make more goals for your best life. You can be resilient and motivated at the same time. There’s no need to take a backseat in your life.

Happiness is my motivation

How to stay motivated to exercise when you don’t feel like it

My motivation to exercise comes and goes. I know I should exercise most days, but so many things get in the way. Like thinking, “I’ll get all sweaty and my hair will be horrible.” Or, “I have to put the new village stickers on my car.” Or, “I have to clean out my closet.” My closet has a ton of really nice clothes that I never wear. Yes, I’ve read my own organizing tips. I’ve even started to winnow out the stuff that I love, the stuff that I can’t bear to part with, the stuff that’s worn and the stuff that I can’t stand. I start, but never end because it’s all stuff I can’t bear to part with. One day. But my motivation to exercise comes and goes, and then comes back. Because I decided long ago that no matter what else is going on, I will exercise at least four days a week. That’s non-negotiable. Four days a week no matter what.

You’re not going to do it unless you love it. Unless…

You can decide to exercise, but unless your motivation to exercise is secure, you’re not going to do it unless you love to exercise. First step, then, in how you stay motivated to exercise, is to figure out what motivates you. What will make you keep on lacing up your sneakers day after day. Because one day is not enough. In order to get any benefits from exercising, you have to keep at it. And you’ll want to quit after the first session. It’s hard, but as they say, anything worth doing is hard. It will get easier, but you need to keep at it to get there. So, how will you stay motivated to keep exercising?

What is YOUR motivation to exercise?

Is your motivation to exercise your family? Will you keep on exercising to keep up with the family? Will you keep exercising so you can play with the little ones? To be able to work in your garden? Or will you exercise to be a strong partner? You need that strength and stamina to hold family get-togethers. Is that why you exercise?

Or is it for your healthy aging? One thing that scares many people of a certain age is holding onto your memories.It’s been proven that exercise will help you boost memories! That’s certainly a big motivator. My memory isn’t great to start with, so I appreciate any advantage!

What motivates me to exercise is the happiness I feel afterward.

What motivates me the most, though, is the happiness that comes after I work out. I don’t stay motivated because I’m happy to be exercising. No. After I exercise, though, I feel more optimistic. I’m grateful to be able to exercise. I’m happy after I exercise. Experts call it an endorphin rush. I call it happiness. Even though the most endorphins are released when we do intense aerobic exercise, I still find that I experience the same effect when I do Pilates, for example, or another low intensity workout. 

I don’t feel like exercising often. In fact, I hardly ever want to exercise. But I stay motivated to exercise when I don’t feel like it. And I lace up those sneakers.

Make your motivation more clear

I’ve said that in order to achieve your goals, you have to set goals. Many of us are frozen in that limbo of knowing that you want something … more … but not knowing exactly what it is you want. You’re unhappy with your current situation and want to change it but have no clear picture of what you’d like your situation to actually be. You just know that you want … more. That’s a problem if you really want to change your reality. My suggestion, which I’ve done multiple times over the years when I decided I wanted more – make your motivation more clear. Set aside some time – 15 minutes to a half hour – and get a pad of paper and a pen. And start thinking.

Start big, then work your way down

Think about your life – where it is now: your family, friends, work, home. Then think about how you feel about these aspects of your life. Figure out what makes you most unhappy. What about it makes you unhappy? Can you change that thing right away? If you can’t change that thing right away, how can you start doing small things to create something that makes you happy? 

Think about “What if…”

Many of us flounder with our motivations. We think, “I’d really like to …” But that’s not enough. A statement that flimsy is not enough to keep us on the straight and narrow to getting anything done. We state affirmations like, “I am strong enough to succeed,” but that doesn’t really motivate us to do anything.  Emotional healing coach Karena Neukirchner believes that affirmations like that “end up becoming a manifestation of toxic positivity.” We’re forcing these happy feelings to the forefront but our negative emotions are unchanged in our subconscious. And that negativity can intensify if it’s not addressed. But Neukirchner has a simple tweak to help us. Turn those affirmations into “iffirmations.” Consider “What if.” Just adding those simple words can help make your motivation more clear. When your motivation is clear, the path to happiness and resilience is more clear. 

My “iffirmation”

I had been dissatisfied with my writing. So many ideas for articles, essays, books, novellas, but I haven’t been writing. I never seemed to have the time or mindset to look at that white Google Docs screen. So, I changed “I will be a successful writer” to “What if I became successful at writing.” And I thought about how to make that happen. I like my days, full as they are, and don’t see my schedule changing any time soon. But what if I woke up a little earlier? Before my busy day started. I could write then! My new writing protocol started about a month ago and I finished my first novella (it’s being edited now!). I started the second and am reasonably happy with its progress. 

The biggest difference has been in my mindset. Since I’ve been writing more consistently, I feel like I’m more creative, and I’m happier. So, when you make your motivation more clear, things start to happen.

When part of your brain says, “Go!” and the other part, “No!”

Running is unfailingly hard for me. Every day that I step on the treadmill, it’s hard. It’s a struggle to increase that speed when all I want to do is lie down and take a nap. What do you do when part of your brain says, “Go!” and the other part says, “No?” How do you maintain your motivation to do something hard?

Why run at all?

If it’s so hard, you might ask, why do I want to run at all? I’ve mentioned my dogs lots of times here. They’re my workout and life buddies. My companions who never tell me I can’t do anything. My dogs are with me as I work, and often as I play. I train my dogs for fun and for competition. I write about the journeys I’ve had with my dogs, in life in general and on the road. The hard times and the fun times as I wrote about in Tango: Transforming My Hellhound.

I enjoy the competition training, and there’s nothing more fulfilling than running straight out on an Agility course with my dog. When he’s off-lead. I know that I’ll never be as fast as my dog – no human can match the speed of a canine – but I can be where I need to be, to give him the cues he needs to know where to go. And for that I need to run. Fast. That’s my motivation to get on the treadmill. So I run at home on my treadmill a couple of times a week. And it’s hard, every time. And yet, I still aim to increase the speed without decreasing the incline.

Why do something so hard, then?

So, why not decrease the speed or the incline, or both? In my mind, that would be cheating. Speaker, author and coach Curt Rosengren says, “The more you challenge yourself and succeed, the greater your confidence in your ability to do it again next time. Challenge doesn’t just help you grow your skills and knowledge, it helps you grow your belief that you can.” Small gains everyday help me stay on the treadmill. Another 10 seconds at a tenth of a mile faster is a win for me. Or an extra 30 seconds at a half percent higher incline is good. Small steps make the big goal more approachable. That kind of optimism will grow your resilience, and it’s good for your healthy aging.

Make hard stuff a habit

If you do things at a specific time on specific days for several weeks, they become a habit. When things become habit, you don’t even have to think about doing them, you just do. So, if you do something hard just as a matter of course, it will stop being hard. And then you’ll have to find some other hard thing to do.

I’m not going to try it – are you?

Not willing to dive in

“Cold plunging” for health benefits has been around for quite a while. It used to be that cold plunging was an athlete thing, but now it’s gone more mainstream. Celebrities from Kate Hudson to Lizzo to Harry Styles to Lady Gaga are sinking into ice baths for therapy or recovery. And whether it’s a cold shower, a cold bath, or a cold lake in winter, it seems like more regular people like us are joining the party.

I’m not convinced. The thought of sticking a toe into ice-cold water after a workout or lifting my face to a freezing spray of water first thing in the morning does not appeal. The benefits would really have to outweigh the fear to convince me.

Cold plunging health benefits

So, what are the cold plunging health benefits? A study not long ago showed that cold-water therapy can help reduce inflammation and perceived soreness after a tough workout. Hence, ice baths for athletes. But other health benefits of cold plunging include enhanced immune function; decreased levels of pain, stress, anxiety, and depression; and increased alertness and energy. Experts also say that sleep is improved with cold plunging.

I have to wonder how will it affect my healthy aging? Will the numbness extend my life or shorten it? Studies haven’t seemed to address this yet.

How it happens

Immersing yourself in cold water changes how the blood flows through your body. The cold water constricts your blood vessels. So when you climb out of the shower, bath or lake, you warm up and your blood starts to flow through the newly widened veins and arteries. Lalitha McSorley, PT, owner and lead physical therapist at Brentwood Physiotherapy in Calgary, Canada, says “This can help improve overall circulation and oxygenation of the body.” 

Willing to take the plunge?

I'll exercise for the health benefits.

While all that sounds great, I think I’ll get my health benefits from exercise. Exercise lowers blood pressure and improves circulation. It also improves sleep. Exercise certainly boosts my mood and makes me a nicer person. 

So, I think I’ll keep my showers warm (OK, lukewarm when the weather is hot) and leave the cold plunging to others. Are you going to try it?

Exercise is not selfish

You may think that you’re being selfish when you exercise. After all, you’re the one who’s gleaning the benefits of all that sweat! You’re the one who’s burning calories, strengthening muscles and improving your bone density. You’re the one who’s sleeping better at night and remembering everything. But, think again. Exercise is not selfish.

If I didn’t exercise, I’d be dead

Exercise is not selfish

I’ve said before that exercise makes me a nicer person. If I didn’t exercise, my sister would probably have killed me by now. And no one would convict her in a court of law.

The endorphins produced during a great workout make you feel more optimistic and happier in that moment. And those endorphins can help to ease depression, with some physicians even prescribing exercise as an alternative to medication for some patients. I know that after I exercise I feel better. The powerful feeling lasts well beyond my workout, too. 

Exercise to be an example

Here’s another reason to exercise – Adrienne Bailon-Houghton, singer and entertainment magazine co-host, has recently refreshed her fitness goals. She turned 40 and wants to be an example to others, especially her son. She said, “”I think there’s something so empowering about having a son and turning 40 this year and just wanting to be a great example to him of what health and fitness looks like.” Bailon-Houghton has had health issues for most of her life, and having a son has given her a new reason to stay fit, and aware of all that means. Exercise is not selfish, and Bailon-Houghton is exercising to be a role model.

Exercise to be a role model

It’s not about the numbers. I was surprised a couple of weeks ago at my annual wellness visit that I had lost a couple of pounds. I never weigh myself at home, so I had no idea what my weight was. Feeling great and being healthy are my fitness goals. Many women my age are grandmothers, and even great-grandmothers. I like to think that it’s people like me – and you! – who reject the stereotypes of “little old ladies” who can be role models for younger generations. We can be strong and independent, and look at healthy aging as just part of everyday living. We eat right (most of the time) and exercise regularly just as part of our daily routine. Remember that exercise is not selfish – it’s good for everyone!

A specific exercise for a specific memory?

Aerobic exercise to boost certain memories?

It could be that in the future, if you want to remember your shopping list at the grocery store without having to check your phone, you would do a specific group of exercises! Way, way in the future, so don’t get your hopes up. But new research has shown that certain types of exercise helped study participants in remembering certain types of data. We do know that exercise has benefits for our brain and mental health, but this is much more specific than we had previously thought. The thinking that if we do a specific exercise for a specific memory boost is remarkable.

Exercise improves brain health

It’s been shown that exercise improves memory on a general level, even after a single workout. And, on a long-term basis, exercise improves overall brain health. And studies have shown that over time exercise is associated with a reduced risk of brain health problems such as dementia and Alzheimer’s disease, both concerns for our healthy aging.

Different feelings after different workouts

I know that I feel differently after a run, for example, than after a Pilates session. I’m more energized (and sweaty) and outwardly happy after doing my run / walk workout. After a Pilates session, I feel calm, with a happy buzz. But I must admit that I hadn’t noticed specific memory improvements. I know that right after a workout I can remember some things better but hadn’t noted which “things!”

Correlation between exercise and memory

This research study by Dartmouth, published in Nature, delves into the correlation between exercise and memory. This was a relatively small study with only 113 participants, but the results are interesting. Fitbit data was analyzed after participants were given various types of memory tests post-workout. Researchers looked for patterns between those results and the workouts the participants did. 

Not surprisingly, the study showed that overall the more active people had better memories than the non-active people. But it also showed that high-intensity exercise was correlated with good performance on the “spatial-learning task” (remembering the positions of shapes on a screen). “Low-to-moderate-intensity” cardio activity, like going for a walk, was associated with improved “naturalistic recall” (remembering a narrative of events). And people who performed better on the foreign-language test “tended to be less active,” the report added, while participants who did well on free recall and naturalistic recall were more active.

So, this study supports previous research on exercise and memory, but it also presents a focus for future work needed. Could there be a specific exercise for a specific memory? Time and research will tell. I’ll be looking forward to reading the results.

No. It depends. A while. Answers to goal-specific fitness questions.

When will I see Exercise Results?

When do you see exercise results? It depends... And everyone is different.

“I have a wedding in June. Will I be skinny by then?” “How long ‘til I fit into Size 6 jeans?” “When will I see a six-pack?” Were you laughing when you read those questions? Me too. And yet, deep down, I kind of wondered when I’d see exercise results all those years ago when I lost weight. By now, you know that “No,” “It depends,” and “A while” are the answers. It turns out that “It depends” is the answer to quite a few goal-specific fitness questions. 

Goals are key

Having specific goals, committing to a program and sticking with that program is the sure path to success in reaching a fitness goal. For example, if you want to lose 5 pounds in a month, experts agree that it’s totally doable. Reduce the number of calories you consume (a food journal helps with this), increase calories burned (an exercise program will help here), make sure you’re hydrated, get enough sleep, and reduce stress. That’s the formula. Of course, it’s never so cut and dry. 

Our emotions get in the way. We eat because of stress. And we eat when we’re happy. When it comes to exercise – there’s never a good time to do it. Or we just don’t feel like it. So, having real, achievable, specific goals is the key to keeping on track.

Everyone’s different

We’re human. And as humans, our bodies react differently to the food we eat and exercises we do. Exercise results are different for everybody. My body reacts differently than yours. Your body may not retain water the way mine does – be grateful. Or your muscles may respond more quickly to exercise than mine. Everyone’s different. So – it depends when you’ll see those results you want.

A real time frame … wait for it

But, there is sort of a time frame on when you can expect to see some results from your hard work. “When performed appropriately, exercise can lead to physiological changes in about eight to 12 weeks for most people,” Chris Gagliardi, MS (an ACE-certified personal trainer) says. “This does not mean that everyone will respond to exercise in the same way. Some people may see and feel results in less than eight to 12 weeks, and for others, it may take more time.” 

Don’t exercise for the outward results

It’s such a long time to see any results, that it’s important not to focus on these physiological changes. Remember all the other benefits that come from exercise. Remember that even Khloe Kardashian exercises for the invisible benefits! If I have to wait 2 to 3 months to see any results, there had better be other benefits to this whole healthy living thing! 

The biggest reason for me to exercise is the brain boost I get, and how much better I feel emotionally afterward.

Get up – get going – get it done

Get it done – no matter what it is

Get it done!

If you like to get stuff that  you don’t especially enjoy doing out of the way early, like I do, then this is for you! The great Mark Twain is credited with saying, “Eat a live frog first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day.” And if you think about it, that’s probably true. And productivity expert Brian Tracy has expanded on Twain’s saying in his book, Eat That Frog. When I can, I try to abide by that precept – get up, get going, get it done. That way I have more time to do what I really want to do later on.

If you don’t like to exercise, you probably won’t do it

If you hate to exercise – I’ve said it before – you’re not going to do it. But if you find an exercise program that you don’t mind, and you like the music, the choreography, and the instructor, then you’re more likely to do it. If you have that program queued up, then you don’t have to waste time looking for it and you can just jump in. And if you don’t have anything else scheduled, you can exercise early and get it done. My favorite time to exercise is early – what a great feeling to get it done.

Taking action early = fulfillment

This maxim can translate to other areas of your life too. When you see yourself as someone who takes action, and takes it early on, there’s a real sense of fulfillment. It’s not enough to see yourself in a certain way, though, you have to take the steps to get it done. 

Perfectionist? Let it go

That could mean easing up on your perfectionist leanings. I know – you like things to be “just so.” But if you keep tweaking a project, it will never be finished. And done is almost always better than perfect. Naturally, check for typos and other obvious errors, but as a chilly heroine would say, let the rest go.

Other productivity professionals say, “Be dumber and care less.” I change that to “grow a thicker skin.” Of course we care about our work. Sometimes that shows up as, “perhaps I should tweak this sentence so people won’t think ‘X’ about me.” My rule has been to not overtly offend anyone, but if I have something important to say, then say it. You can be a genius, use all the high-falutin’ vocabulary, and finish a project in 3 weeks. Or you can just say something plainly and get it done. And once that thing is done, you’ll get a sense of accomplishment! It’s done! Finished! And I did it! So happy! What a boost to your optimism and resilience.

How to get it all done

Sounds good, right? But how to get it done efficiently? First, identify the project. Next, identify the steps you need to take. Third, flesh out those steps. And finally, get up and get going.

Enjoy everything in moderation – even wine

Surprising place for provoking thought

Reading about healthy aging at a tire store!
Health reading at a tire store

I had to get new tires for my car this week. It would take an hour but I was prepared with a book. There was an array of Wine Spectator magazines on the table in the waiting room. Surprising magazine choice at a tire store! I picked up the top copy and started to leaf through it. There was an article about wine and its health benefits, so I started reading. Going right along with what I’ve been saying for years, it turns out that enjoying wine in moderation is not detrimental and can actually provide some benefits. Enjoy everything in moderation – even wine.

But wait – the WHO says no alcohol

The World Health Organization decreed at the beginning of 2023 that no amount of alcohol consumption is safe. The paper cites previous studies in which alcohol was considered a cancer-causing agent. There was no study linking specific amounts of alcohol to cancer, however, merely the potential cancer-causing risk of alcohol consumption. It could be that the WHO considers that it may be all too easy for moderate consumption to become excessive consumption.

Some studies have shown benefits

But a recent study determined that moderate drinkers live as long as people who never drink. So, why not enjoy! And the Mayo Clinic has observed that the polyphenols in red wine may help protect the lining of the blood vessels in the heart. This could be the reason that red wine has been touted for its heart-healthy benefits.

The flavanols in wine have also been implicated in reducing cognitive decline and a reduced risk of stroke in moderate drinkers – which we all want for our healthy aging. Yes, the flavanols can also be found in other foods, but why not enjoy the wine? 

Enjoying with friends has other benefits

Wine, enjoyed with friends, has benefits beside the physical ones.
Wine, enjoyed with friends, has benefits beside the physical ones.

Another point to consider is that we often enjoy wine in the company of friends and family. Getting together in a social group is not just fun – fun planning and reconnecting with friends – but it also increases our resilience and optimism. Why not have a wine tasting at your next get-together. Tasting wine critically with friends will combine all of the benefits of good wine, good food and good friends.

Enjoy everything … in moderation – has been my motto for years. I never deny myself anything I really want. Chocolate cake? Pizza? You bet. I plan for it and that could make the enjoyment even greater. A new purse? New shoes? If I see something I really want, then I figure out a way to make it happen. I don’t splurge, but I enjoy.

So – enjoy everything. Even wine – in moderation.